Thinking Of Food

Good Friday is a day of fasting and abstinence for serious Catholics…a status to which I aspire to be…of course I woke up thinking of food.   The Pharisee in me immediately went to the rules and started picking apart the letter of the law, looking for some loophole. 

“For members of the Latin Catholic Church, the norms on fasting are obligatory from age 18 until age 59. When fasting, a person is permitted to eat one full meal. Two smaller meals may also be taken, but not to equal a full meal. The norms concerning abstinence from meat are binding upon members of the Latin Catholic Church from age 14 onwards.”

 usccb.org

The mathematician in me focused on the equation: two small meals cannot equal one full meal. 

If

X = one small meal

Y = one full meal

And

2X < Y

Solve for “X”

Wait a minute…what’s the value of Y.   Can Y be any value I want it to be?  After all I am the one who has be banned from the “All You Can Eat, Golden Corral”.  

When you’re in the mood.

To eat some food.

Don’t be a jerk.

Get busy with work.

It occupies the mind.

And passes the time.

Think what Jesus did.

Heaven forbid.

He gave it His all.

We just have to call.

In joyful accord,

With a prayer to the Lord.

Amen.

What Did I Give Up For Lent?

Nothing…no wait…I gave up sixteen and a half minutes of my time each day to say the Rosary.  I promised myself to recite the Rosary everyday during Lent in the hope that I would form a habit that would carry forward even after those forty days. 

Not being a big fan of the Rosary’s redundant repetitive nature and recalling the torture this prayer put me thru as a child (thanks to Mom and Dad) it was difficult to embrace this spiritual challenge.  Each night the whole family would be required to say the rosary…on our knees just before bed.  I would always begin to yawn even before we got thru the first decade…an unfortunate habit I catch myself doing still to this day.  I am convinced it works better than any sleeping pill.  But I digress. 

I decided to test myself with this spiritual exercise so I switch the timing to early morning while driving to Mass.  I also enlisted the help of YouTube to help keep me focused.  But as I counted off the last bead I pondered where the last sixteen minutes went…lost in some daydream wandering the empty halls of my mind.

This is going to a bigger contest than I ever imagined.

Oh! Please Dear Lord

It’s going to be hard.

Cut me some slack

‘cause I want to come back.

To the prayer life I vowed

That would make You proud.

In this world of crazy

I call on Your mercy.

Amen.

Arrived

 I feel as though I’ve arrived. No longer just someone who abuses the senior discount at fast food restaurants…no longer a mere token old guy…now I am a bonafide senior citizen.   

 Each morning I wash down my plethora of pills with a glassful of Meta-Muscil. 

 Without doubt this represents the high point of all lows, the ultimate sign of old age. 

 Although…on the up side…all that fiber adds definition and character to my excrement. 

For sure, character is a virtue to which one should aspire.

If I may speak with tongue in cheek

The meaning of life we strive to seek

With bowels so weak and future bleak

It is all enough to make me shriek

I am aware it is not chic

To let such information leak

Iambic pentameter is total Greek

‘cause this bad writing needs a tweak

Yours truly

a hopeless geek

Having It All

I used to dream of having it all…the big house with a boat in the driveway, fancy cars and all the toys…but, I’ve changed my thinking.  With every asset there is a liability.  No mater how good it looks on paper…net worth has a hidden price tag.  The more you have the more you have to worry about.  Assets are actually liabilities. 

This thinking goes against everything the worldview teaches us.  But, I have come to the conclusion that the worldview is a lie. 

There is a better way, a no stress way, a way of peace and joy.  Of course, this is one of the best kept secretes of all times…and...I’m not telling…I’m not telling because nobody would listen anyway.

The little voice in the back of my head

Would shake its finger when vice mislead

All those years I tried to hide

Only because of foolish pride

Haunted by the “finger shaking” voice

I finally had to make a choice

A decision made with lots of fret

But once made there was no regret

I joined YOUR team…alas I did

I should have done it as a kid

No time to cry over spilt milk

Your joyful peace is smooth as silk

Thank you for all you have done

For my salvation you have won

Although underserved, it’s very true

All I have is because of YOU.

Amen