Creatures And Critters Of Habit

Everyday I sit in the same place…the same pew…the pew right behind the one with the split inside support.  Everyday all the daily regulars sit in the same places. 

Many times I drift off into my little daydream world and don’t focus on what is going on.  But every once and again I experience a shiver…a shiver that goes to the core of my being…a shiver that tells me that there is a reality to this unbelievable God…this Jesus.  He is more than just some super hero in a book…He is real and He loves me.  That’s when it becomes difficult to keep back the tears.  I hold my breath and bite my lip so that no one will think I'm a crybaby…but I am.

Thank you, Lord Jesus,

For letting me know that YOU are real.

Please help me diminish my bad habits

And increase my good habits.

Amen.

The Beach Is A Bitch

In spite of my protests...my wife insisted on my presence at the beach for the required weekend vacation with all the grandchildren, assorted friends and cousins.

After setting up the canopy...I washed the sand from my feet and rode the elevator to the sixth floor…took a refreshing shower then I spent the day on the couch in the air-conditioning.  Occasionally I looked out the window at the beach-goers sporting their lobster red sunburns.  I couldn’t help but think that I was also young once and had no idea how much time I would spend sitting in the dermatologist's waiting room.   

My view of the beach differs from most of those who crowd the sandy shores and don't seem to mind the nasty contaminated salt water.  Personally…I don't like sand in my shorts.  Furthermore…I spend most days working outside in the heat, dirt, sand and sun...dripping with perspiration and the thought of spending the day on the beach is not my idea of fun.

After a weekend of being a total jerk…I've been excluded…unceremoniously drummed off the beach.

A Brer Rabbit smirk crept across my mug as I contemplated my punishment…banned from the beach…barred from that briar patch of seaweed, salt, sand and sun. Uncle Remus would be proud.

Thank you, Lord,for answering my prayers.

Amen.

Life Beyond White Bread

The doctor told me that I had to change my diet…not to eat white bread nor anything with high fructose corn syrup.  I remember thinking that life is not worth living without white bread.  But I’ve had to rethink that thought…for time has validated the doctor’s theory.  As I count the months until my 70th birthday…the little aches and pains are starting to take their toll. The ladder is harder to climb; the muscles no longer have the strength they once did, the endurance is no longer there. The 14-hour workdays are no longer possible.  I have to keep reminding myself of a brighter future…the beginning of another life and eternal life.

It seems so sad,

That white bread is bad,

And it makes me mad,

That I can’t eat just a tad.

Into my mouth I may not shove,

as I am forbidden that taste of,
nor do I dare even think of,

The white bread that I love.

So it makes me blue,

Just between me and you,

That a loaf or two,

I cannot chew.

Now that the years are not so few,

Time has proven it to be true.

That what once I found easy to do,

Now it seems is taboo.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all the good times and good eats. I’m looking forward to an even better life...where white bread is on the menu.

Amen.

God's Cake

I spent $300.00 of God's money for a cake at the Church auction.

It was D-E-L-I-C-I-O-U-S...but, then I began to worry about not being such a good steward…after all, it was HIS money.

Ninety-Nine To Life

If words could kill I would be doing “99 to life”.  But, words do kill…they kill the spirit. 

I have sailed through life leaving a wake of careless insensitivity.  I can’t help wonder how many boats I have swamped.  I’m quite sure many of my words have impacted people’s lives in a not so positive way. 

If I have swamped your boat...please accept my apologies for any anguish I may have caused.  I’ve often thought of and recalled those moments with disappointment and regret. 

My words were shape, many a day

They cut and killed, in an awful way

Now I am regretful, old and gray

Forgive me Lord, for this I pray

Amen.

Artist Or Autist

Artistic or autistic…one little letter makes a lot of difference.  I am definitely not artistic…my suspicions are that I fall into the latter category.  I feel as if I am trapped in a body that can't express itself…trapped in a mind with thoughts that run amok.  I’m living in an alien world, unable to communicate…lacking in all manner of social skills.  I am unable to really get a handle on the situation.  My brain is bombarded with millions of unrelated and unimportant thoughts.  I live in an imperfect world but desperately want to be in a perfect world…a world where every tool has it's own spot on the pegboard and a white line denoting its profile…a world where ragweed and pollen won't make me sneeze…a world in which I never misplace my car keys. 

I am just one little letter off.

But the good news is that it doesn’t matter to my maker.  No matter if I am one brick short of a load, half a bubble off, or one letter off…it makes no difference.  I have been rescued.  I must stop fighting and flailing…He will not let me drown if I just relax and allow Him to drag me to the other side…to that peaceful shore.

Thank you, Lord Jesus,

You did it all, You took the fall.

You made it right, without a fight.

You made the way, You did the pay.

You made me see, not just for me.

Amen.

A Simpleton's Prayer

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for doing all the unbelievable stuff you do.

Forgive me, Lord Jesus, for not believing that you can do unbelievable stuff.

Grant me, Lord Jesus, the stuff...the grace...to believe in an unbelievable God.

Amen.

Small, Small World

The reality of my world is ‘what I believe’…and ‘what I believe’ is mostly in my head.  Therefore my world is a small, small world indeed…a world cluttered with fears, doubts, worries and misgivings.  If not for the light at the end of the tunnel my world would be an intolerable place.  Christ is the light at the end of the tunnel and today’s Gospel reminds me that Christ did away with the old rules…and gave me a new rule. It is no longer and eye for and eye and a tooth for a tooth…but to love one another and he loved us.

John 13:34,35

“I give you a new commandment: love one another.

As I have loved you, so you also should love one another.

This is how all will know that you are my disciples,

if you have love for one another.”

Morning Again

I wipe the drool from the corner of my mouth without opening my eyes and desperately struggled to remain in that peaceful state of calm and tranquility between the sheets of our king size bed.  The next recollection was of daylight filling the room and the thought of wasting the best part of the day…so I staggered to the window, opened the blinds and saw an orange sun peering through waves of low gray clouds.  How can every morning be so amazing, so magical, and so mysterious? 

Oh! I forgot that God is in charge of this mad, mad world in which I live.  Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the peace you bring to this crazy world.  I’m looking forward to leaving the crazy behind in the next.  Amen.

Water Boarding and Divine Providence

Looking through some old photos I came across a picture of my NOW wife.  She was wearing a Dolly Parton wig and a mini skirt.  I recall being captured like “a deer in the headlights” by her painted up Bambi eyes and incredible smile. I had no clue about what I was getting into at that time…I had no idea about the real meaning of love…lust, maybe…but not love.

I have slowly come to realize that love is not always fun but more of a slow martyrdom.  A dying of my selfish self and doing what my better half wants me to do.  After all…she is always right…and…therefore…that’s what ultimately makes me happy.

To me, it seems that the requirements for getting married should be more stringent. 

If I recall…there were a few words from the priest…that I did not listen to because my focus was somewhere else.  Ideally, an intense course should be taught culminating with a final exam, which should include a session of water boarding to emphasize the seriousness of the matter. Also, for the slow learners, like me, the couple should be joined together with ankle chains.  Marriage is serious business from which there is no escape and should not be taken lightly.

After 45 plus years of marriage I have finally figured it out…I am thankful for Divine Providence and a patient wife.  I consider myself blessed to have a God fearing spouse with an amazing smile who still looks hot in a mini skirt.

Thank you Lord Jesus…

For undeserved blessings you heap upon me. 

I’ll never be able to repay the fee.

Forgive me, Lord, for all the things I did not see.

For this I pray, this is my plea.

Amen