Keep On Keeping On

In desperation I strained to move my seemingly paralyzed legs as the approaching locomotive bared down on me with frightening speed. With its mammoth size only inches away… my visions of a devastating impact were imminent. A deafening horn sounded and in a fit of panic and disorientation my flailing arms managed to land a disabling blow directly on the snooze button. I struggled from my unconscious state into the early morning reality. Admittedly I was glad to be awake…and alive…but I found very little interest in getting ready for the day. The warm bed still held a certain allure that I couldn’t seem to shake. But I knew if I did not force myself to get dressed, get on my bike and pedal down to daily Mass…the day would be a complete train wreck with nothing to show for it but feelings of guilt and regrets over my laziness.

So I pressed on…thinking and questioning… how do people with real problems get though the day? How do drug addicts make it? How do people without homes or without food carry on? Here I am with every blessing imaginable and I struggle to keep my sanity, to keep focused on what’s important and to keep Jesus as my number one priority. I have heard it said, “You may have to live in this world…but you don’t have to be a part of it.” I prefer this analogy, “Your boat has to be in the water but you don’t have to have water in your boat.”

Well…I don’t need a boating disaster or a train wreck.

Dear Lord, please give me the strength to keep bailing water today.
Amen

Oh #@*% !!

Yesterday I overheard someone speak the “#@%* word” and it brought back memories of my time spent “in the service of my country”. I use that phrase “in the service of my country” very loosely. I was enlisted in the United States Marine Corps Reserve and stationed at Camp Pendleton, California on active duty. This was in the late 60s and Vietnam was heating up…yet back then they rarely called up the Reserves. The joke about the Reserves was “the unwilling being lead by the unqualified to do the unnecessary” and there seemed to be a lot of truth to that statement. Either Reserves or Regulars the “F word” was spoken fluently. I myself never heard such words as a child. My parents used proper language and expected us to do the same. Therefore, I had little practice in the art of cussing and cursing. Whenever I attempted such speech it just never seemed to flow or come out quite right. But thanks to my military training I managed to blurt out that aforementioned word on occasion with the required emphasis and emotion.

At some point I decided to give up my pursuit of foul language…not necessarily a decision to improve my moral status but more of an academic issue. I was on a quest to express myself better and expand my vocabulary. For it seemed “that word” was a bit over used. It’s not just used as an adjective or noun but used as every known part of speech: verb, pronoun, adverb, conjunction, interjection, and preposition. This makes for some very interesting sentences but not very descriptive or technically accurate when trying to converse above the level of a cave man’s grunting and groaning.

Well, I haven’t made much progress in my pursuit for academic excellence as I still end my sentences with prepositions and let my participles dangle but I have managed to eliminate most of the bad words.

Thank you, Lord, for parents that expected better of me.
Amen

Summer’s End

Dragging myself from the couch I turned off the TV’s depressing news broadcast and cranked up my wife’s lawnmower. There was a noticeable and amazing change in the weather. In South Texas some people tell me that the 15th of September is the end of summer. This doesn’t exactly agree with the Gregorian calendar which designates September 22nd as the autumnal equinox. This is the day that the earth’s axis has zero degrees of tilt and the north and south poles are equidistant from the sun…the beginning of autumn. Even though the days have been getting shorter for the last three months…due to the thermal flywheel effect it is only now I can actually go outside without collapsing from heat exhaustion or having to use supplemental oxygen to breathe. While not exactly a “Blue Norther” the northerly eighty degree breeze made being outside quite pleasant.

I could not help but think that in this nation gone crazy… with all the crazy people calling the “new north” south, calling evil good, and calling economic decline progress…that God is still in charge. God still makes the world go around, makes the seasons come and go and makes sense of a nonsensical world. After all…this is nothing new…history has recorded that the majority of political leaders were bad or evil people…so why should I think this is a perfect nation.

God’s north is still north, God’s truth is still true, God’s power is still sovereign.

I need to increase my determination to follow my moral compass no matter what direction the rest of the world goes.

Thank you, Jesus, for being my north star.
Please give me the ability, the courage and the strength to follow You on my journey to a perfect world where evil and crazy are not allowed.

Amen.

Indulgences

I’ve gotten in the habit of trying to say a Rosary to start off my hour with Jesus on Friday mornings. As I finished it off with my “how to” leaflet in hand I noticed a paragraph titled ROSARY INDULGENCES. My take on indulgences has always been a bit skeptical. It seems too much like a game show with rules of when and if it counts or whether it is a plenary or a partial indulgence. Anyway…I decided to see if I had scored any points and read on.

A Plenary Indulgence may be gained (under usual conditions) when the Rosary is prayed in church, in a family group or in a religious community.

Cool! I am in church…this is encouraging. Wait a minute…what’s this word also.

Also:
(A) five (5) decades of the Rosary must be prayed continuously.

Hum! I wonder if daydreaming breaks the “continuously”.

(B) The prayers of the Rosary must be prayed vocally and one must meditate upon the Mysteries of the Rosary.

Well…I did not say them out loud that would disturb the others in the chapel spending their hour of adoration. And that “meditate upon the mysteries” does it have to be continuous or can it be interrupted with frequent sojourns into my minds attention deficit disorder playground.

Do I even need to read part (C)?

(C) If the recitation of the Rosary is public, the Mysteries of the Rosary must be announced.

There’s not much point in reading on. I think I‘m out of the money, no points scored and no gold star. But that’s OK…I did not do it for the points anyway. I know God loves me. I know I can’t earn my way to heaven. Salvation is a gift. A gift I accept. A gift Jesus gave me.

Dear Jesus, I just want you to know I appreciate the gift and look forward to seeing you face to face to say thank you.

Amen

August Heat

As I struggled with the stubborn copper wire in the stifling August heat and humidity, sweat saturated every stitch of my clothing. I pursed my lips in an effort to keep ugly words from escaping and strained to suppress the feeling of aggravation as I forced the bulky conductor into the main lugs of the electrical panel. The perspiration fogged my glasses as my frustrations grew.

The thought of spending eternity in an unbearable boiling place crossed my mind. The elevated temperature reinforced my thinking and strengthened my resolve to do whatever it takes to insure against such a scorching fate. As I torqued down the connections I thought of that Thursday night in the garden of Gethsemane. I thought of Jesus. I thought of Jesus sweating it out…without complaining or grumbling.

So I prayed

Dear Lord, thank you for this warm warning of where I don’t want to spend eternity. Thank you for showing me the way, the truth and the life. Please give me the stamina to do whatever it takes to avoid that eternal hot spot.

Amen

A Note...Just to let You Know

8/11/2009

Dear Jesus,

How are you doing? I thought I would write you a note just to say thank you, thank you for everything. It seems I am always asking You for stuff…stuff I want…stuff I think I need.

As of late it seems I have made numerous requests for rain…as, I’m sure, everyone has. I am not questioning the fact that rain is a real need, but it occurred to me while washing my wife’s car after her return from a one thousand mile trip to her mother’s, that there was only a half dozen bugs splattered across the front. I realized that the whole summer had almost passed yet I had not experienced one single mosquito. Also, I have not had to muck around through the mud on any job site, and my home improvement project (replacing the exterior siding) has not been rained out…not even once. So, I want to thank you for these particular blessings.

Please accept my apologies for any grumbling, moaning or groaning on my part in regards to what I don’t have…as I am most thankful for what I do have. I am convinced that you know what’s best.

I just want to assure you that I think you are doing a good job and I encourage you to keep up the good work.

Hope to see you soon.

Love always

Toothpaste ?

Returning home from a job readying a steam boiler for inspection early Saturday morning I remembered that I was out of toothpaste. I spied the HEB sign from almost three traffic lights away and recalled the memories of aisle # 8, a virtual shrine to the jelly bean with every color and flavor under heaven. But my resolve was strong and I was above and beyond those temptations; so I marched past the endless rows of fresh fruits and vegetables with my integrity intact. Then I was engulfed by the smells from the bakery. The essence of fresh baked breads and cookies quaffed up into my nostrils as I staggered past the displays of pastries, pies and tartlets. I regained my resolve as I passed the health food section. I recalled…we were also out of peanut butter. I did not want that organic stuff my wife buys, you know, the kind that spreads like dried stucco. I wanted the real thing with all the trans-fats, saturated fats and hydrogenated whatever. I also grabbed a large jar of black raspberry jam making sure the word “REDUCED” did not appear anywhere on the label. As I passed a “help yourself” bulk display of treats…my eye caught sight of chocolate covered raisins. I decided I needed something from the fruit group to balance my diet so I loaded a couple of large scoops into a bag…actually I added a partially filled third scoop just for good measure. I could feel my will power slowly softening like chocolate left in the summer sun. Then I passed the infamous aisle # 8…I quickly filled a bag with Cherry Sours and tucked it under the loaf of white bread as if to hide it from my guilt…but at this point I knew I was done for. I slinked to the check-out and stood there as the checker scanned the ice cream, potato chips, and pizza; not to mention all the other processed and preservative filled man-made products that delight my taste buds and leave my body mal-nourished.

I couldn’t help but think…is this the way it is going to be on judgment day…with God scanning my grocery list of sins, as it prints out for the whole world to see.

Maybe I need to start taking better care of my body and my soul.

Dear Lord,
I know once the toothpaste is out of the tube it is almost impossible to get it back in. So please, Lord Jesus, help me avoid all those places that do no benefit to my body or my soul. Please help me to just “not go there”.
Amen.

Grocery Store Parking Lot

As I loaded my numerous bags of groceries into the trunk of the car…from out of no where came a voice asking for help…just enough help to get to Cuero, TX only thirty miles away. Almost like a knee jerk reaction I reached for my money clip, pulled off a twenty and handed it over. I did consider the single one dollar bill…for a split second but it seemed a bit stingy on my part. Besides if this was God’s way of testing my generosity, I didn’t feel like one dollar would cut it. She thanked me and even pronounced a blessing over me…then disappeared among the rows of car.

Then it dawned on me. This is not the road to Cuero. This road goes to Hallettsville. I wonder…was she just asking for directions, not a hand out.

Then all the second guessing started, I began to think…what if I have been panhandled? What if she was a drug addict? How was she going to misuse the money? What if? What if? What if? Wait a minute, I did my part…what she does is her problem. I was asked and I complied with the request. That should be all I have to worry about. The rest is in God’s hands and He works in strange and mysterious ways.

Thank you, Lord Jesus
For blessing me with money to share
For knee jerk reactions beyond compare
Please help me, Lord
Not to over-think a situation
That only leads to consternation
Please give me, my Lord
The wisdom to pass Your tests
And the strength to do my best

For this I pray. Amen

Into The Dark

As I stepped outside into the dark early morning, wearing nothing but my under garments, on a mission to deploy the water sprinkler…I stubbed my toe on a pile of construction materials left from my current home improvement project. The pain shot up my leg as I recovered from my stumble without completely falling. As I hobbled back inside to doctor my bloody toe…I couldn’t help but think how this stupidity paralleled the stupidity in my spiritual life. How many times have I allowed the “evil one” to lure me into the darkness where I would stub my toe and sometimes fall? How stupid, when…with just a little effort, I could have dressed myself and turned on the light?

O Lord God I praise your name
I bow to you in all your fame

Thank you for your gifts so many
For these indeed I have a plenty

Please, Dear Lord, light up the dark
For You’re my everlasting spark

Dress me in your protecting grace
And keep me safe ‘til I see your face

Amen.

Prayer and Fasting? Ouch!

In an effort to step up my campaign in the “good fight” as St. Paul called it, I volunteered to go on a three day “Desert Retreat”. Although volunteering is in direct violation of my strict personal policy to never volunteer, I thought it was necessary to improve my spiritual growth. I guess they called it a “desert retreat” not to be mistaken for a “dessert retreat” because it is like going into the wilderness away from all the everyday distractions and temptations to fast and pray.

Our leader, who by no stretch of the imagination could be described as a small man, announced we would all gather at a common point in order to caravan out to the remote isolated retreat location. So we all met at, you guessed it, the “all-u-can-eat” Golden Corral. Well…this makes sense…as any athlete knows you want to “carb-up” before any marathon. In recent years I have learned to avoid these “all-u-can-eat” places due to the fact that I feel a moral obligation to hold up my end of the bargain. Plus being a member of the “clean your plate…there are children starving in China” generation, I have decided these eating establishments are places I need to be kept away from. But, I decided to take one for the team and “soldier on” thinking the next three days I would have to exist on stale bread crumbs and water.

We arrived at our camp site and immediately got into some heavy duty praying and spiritual exercise; the Liturgy of the Hours, the Rosary, the Divine Mercy Chaplet and around the clock Eucharistic adoration.

My stomach rumbled during the silent prayer. It didn’t need nourishment it needed a bicarbonate of soda. Finally by the next afternoon things settled down and I looked forward to the possibility of a hunger pain as some sort of sign of my spiritual progress. But as evening fell our leader produced a meal of spaghetti and meat balls that any decent Italian restaurant would have envied. So, for me, once again the line between sustenance and gluttony was blurred.

Fasting and praying…the praying didn’t go much better. My mind wandered and wondered back and forth, in and out, from the spiritual world to the worldly world. I couldn’t stay focused. I worried about my fault and failings, my “should have dones” and my “could have dones”. I needed to get out of the past and into the present, the here and now. So I pulled my chair up close to the altar, right up next to the Holy Eucharist, Our Lord, physically present in a special way. I just looked at him and thought “I can’t believe it”. It’s hard to believe I am sitting here in this little room with God…the almighty God who created heaven and earth, My Lord, My Savior. I worried that it strained my faith. I kept thinking…I can’t believe I am sitting here in this little nothing room, nothing more than a lean-to on a pump house in the middle of nowhere, with God.

I wondered…I questioned…how this can be. I had to keep reminding myself that I choose to believe. That’s faith, choosing to believe.


I clenched my teeth and held my breath in an effort to suppress the tears as I thought, “How gracious of my God to allow me this honor”.

Thank you Lord Jesus

For letting me believe
What I cannot conceive

Strengthen my faith
And quicken the pace

Lord, take my hand
That I might stand

Be my guiding light
Throughout the fight

Don’t let me roam
But take me home

For this I pray
At the end of the day

Amen