Off In The Weeds

Bummed out, I sat there waiting for morning Mass to start.  As my fingers aimlessly wandered across the Rosary beads my mind wandered across the vacuum of time and space.

I couldn’t seem to get over my feelings of self-pity.  I bemoaned the fact that my knee hurt, my required face covering was making my glasses fog over and the thought of chocking on my own carbon dioxide were simply too much to bear.

My blank stare and unfocused gaze slowly fell on the huge crucifix behind the altar and there He was…hanging there with nails thought his hands and feet.

Oh, wow…what was I thinking?  I had no idea what pain and suffering was.  I just melted into a steaming pile of humility.  

 

 

Thank you; Lord, for keeping me grounded.

My self-pity is totally unfounded.

When I get to feeling blue.

I need to focus upon you.

 

When all the world is upside down.

And life put my face in a frown.

I can always count on you.

To be there and pull me thru.

 

Amen

Visiting My Sibling

I staggered from the truck dragging my bag into the house after a 12 hour and 50 minute marathon drive from my sister’s place. I was experiencing some sort of decompression effects from the non-stop trip as I lay on my bed and pondered the events of the last four-days.  I could feel a grin of satisfaction creep across my face, as I thought about our time together.  Attaching Diane’s old bicycle to her new grain mill, overhauling our dad’s old “Shop Smith”, cleaning out and repairing rain gutters on the barn, designing a new drainage ditch, cooking cinnamon rolls in her old oven that you have to prop the door closed with a chair…all replayed in my head.

It was a trip back in time to her one hundred acres in the middle of the beautiful Missouri hill country that had no paved road, no TV, no internet…my cell phone served no purpose other than as a flash light.  Her house has no air conditioning; its only source of heat is a wood-burning stove.  She is living proof that you don’t need all the modern amenities to be happy.  I chuckle thinking about her refrigerator she inherited from our great aunt back in the early 1970’s…it wasn’t new then…you have to make sure you push hard to close it so the latch will catch.  She trades hay for eggs, wears hand-me-down clothes, shovels out horse barns in trade for riding lessons and is totally unbothered by the latest fashions.  She lives by her self but I am amazed at the number of people who continually call or come by to visit and bring things by like freshly baked cranberry muffins...delicious.    

I recall the solar eclipse of 2017 when a large number of family and friends meet at her house and overwhelmed the septic system.  Apparently she never addressed that problem once everyone left…but now I did notice the drains all preformed in slow motion.  I love her optimistic attitude “it’s fine”. 

I don’t think it is the money that is a problem because she spends ridiculous amounts on horse feed and Vet bills for sick cats and horses that most people would have “put down” ages ago…it’s her priorities…it’s what’s important to her.  Grinding her own flour, making do with what the earth provides and taking care of God’s creatures are her main concerns.  

I don’t know anyone who is more unselfish, generous and considerate of others than her.  Hopefully I can take a page from her book and be more like that.    

Thank you, Diane, for reminding me of what is really important.  May God bless you and all your friends small and large.

Amen

Too Much TV

Dear Diary

One can only watch so much TV.  I’m not sure what is worse the “News” or “Real Housewives of Never-Never Land”.  Both seem to have a lot of unnecessary drama and very little useful information.  Actually eating is my favorite pastime…but I had consumed my daily calorie allowance by 11am.  So, I set out on my bicycle taking a circuitous route to St. Mary’s Church as I had heard rumors that it was open all day and the Blessed Sacrament was exposed.  I'm thinking let’s see what God has to say about this COVID-19 thing.  Sure enough the church was open but no exposed Blessed Sacrament.  I was a bit disappointed but the little red candle was burning so I knew Jesus was in.  I didn’t need all my fingers the count the number of people in the church…not even all the finger on one hand.  So I slipped in to the last pew and sat down.  My clothes were soaked with perspiration after pedaling over 10 mile in the 90-degree heat.  As I calmed myself and the sweat dried I began to count my blessings.  Even though we are in a worldwide crisis…it’s not so bad.  My roof doesn’t leak; the electricity is on, the water works, there is food in the fridge and I have money in my pocket.  And most importantly I know God is in charge. A toilet paper shortage just doesn’t compare to swarms of locust.

Dear Lord,

I don’t want to focus

Upon those locust

But rather thank you

For all that you do.

I must keep in mind

You’ve been too kind

Now I’m in dutch

You’ve done so much.

It’s no time to frown

When the chips are down

But seize courage ample

And follow your example.

If the truth be told

It is time to be bold

Time to alter my behavior.

And follow my Lord and Savior.

Amen.

Stuck At Home

How strange it felt not being allowed to attend Sunday Mass but would have to watch it on TV.  In times gone by I would have welcomed the opportunity to miss Sunday Mass.  The gospel today was a poignant reminder of that “…I was blind but now I see”. John 9:25

At first I thought…OK…I just wear my flip-flops and T-shirt, lie on the couch and passively observe. But that did not seem quite right. So I dressed in my Sunday uniform, suit and tie.  The same suit and tie I wear every Sunday.  I always wear the same suit, same tie and same shirt every Sunday…my hope is that on judgment day Jesus will recognize me.  I’m hoping for a “Didn’t I see you at my fathers house?”…Well, one can hope.

Dear Jesus

For someone without a clue

I know this is a gospel true

That you are the perfect Jew

That saved a world in a stew.

I am on longer sad and blue

For out of sin us you drew

This is when I really knew

To you Lord praise is due.

So, this is my prayer to You

That there only be just a few

That catch this crazy China flu

Thank you Lord for all you do.

Amen

Social Distance

Social distancing does not bother an introvert like me in the least.  I consider it sort of a vacation, a break from those awkward group gatherings at which I am so inept.  I’m not anti social…I just lack any social skills.  

It is a blessing to me to be able to sit alone in my room and ruminate, think about stuff, important stuff, like the meaning of life and why people couldn’t be more like Sponge Bob…less brain and more heart.

Ok, maybe just stupid stuff. But, I discovered that I become boarded very easily.  

So, I looked for another option to entertain myself…besides eating.  After empting a full inch of rain from the gage I mounted my bicycle and went for an adventure along the almost empty streets with gray overcast skies and dark storm clouds off in the distance.

After pedaling the vacant back roads and bucking a 15-knot northeast wind for more than a half hour I turned back toward town.  With the wind at my back my spirits soared and the burn in my legs dissipated.  

I sailed down the highway passed the crowded Walmart parking lot and noticed many businesses were locked up and lights off.  It was a strange and eerie feeling. 

Dear Lord Jesus,

As my thoughts start to gel.

I pray you keep the nation well.

And the fear only you can quell.

So thank you for the place I dwell.

Sometimes I could just yell.

And withdraw into my shell.

But at the time of the final knell.

Everything will turn out swell.

Thank you for my good health.

Thank you for ample wealth.

Thank you for an amazing wife.

Thank you; Lord, for a fantastic life.

Amen.

Forced Prayer

Today marks my completion of 75 years on this planet, 75 trips around the sun, 43,800 million miles plus another 12miles that I rode on my bicycle this very morning.  While the years and miles are starting to add up I’m still in relatively good health. But the inevitable end of the road is drawing nearer and nearer.  So, I’m starting to think about long range planning, starting to invest in “futures”…in eternity…in God’s stuff.  For it seems that it is the only sensible alternative for the future. I could be wrong but all the other options appear to be dead-ends.  So in an attempt to straighten up and fly right I’ve started to pray. Admittedly it is force prayer. I really have to make myself do it…it’s not easy.  I’d rather be wasting my time flipping channels or taking naps.  

In a recent talk about Lenten practices; prayer, fasting and almsgiving, Bishop Emeritus David Fellhauer mentioned that God loves forced prayer.  Well, I can guarantee mine is forced.

Thank you, Lord, for all my many blessings especially for my best friend and wife, the most amazing Miss Mary.

Amen

Can’t Sleep.

I lie in bed and rest my head

But sleep is not forthcoming

I stare at the clock that goes tic-tock

The situation is quite bumming.

I toss and turn with grave concern

The clock is not advancing

When morning nears I have my fears

I will not feel like dancing.

Perhaps it’s wise to close my eyes

And say a childhood prayer

For counting sheep I fond no sleep

So in the Lord I place my care.

“Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray to God my soul to take.
If I should live for other days,
I pray the Lord to guide my ways.

Now I lay me down to sleep.
I pray the Lord my soul to keep.
If I should die before I wake,
I pray to God my soul to take.
If I should live for other days,
I pray the Lord to guide my ways.”

A Painful Reckoning

Over the years I have gradually moved from the back pew, at the prompting of my wife, toward the middle and finally to the front pew in the church.  Again my wife was right.  There are fewer distractions when you can’t see what’s going on behind you.  This strategy was working until last Sunday. 

Our organ and organist are situated behind a little wall behind the Altar and you can’t see her unless sitting in exactly the right spot.  

Well…last Sunday was my comeuppance.  For what ever reason the organ player came with a young child in tow, maybe five or six years old, maybe a grandson. 

He was a perfect example of angelic holiness, kneeling with hands folded in the most reverent way…for a moment.  Then jumping up and disappearing behind the little wall or fidgeting with his grandmother’s purse, wiggling and squirming, fiddling with the hymnal then back to his angelic position.  

His actions distracted and annoyed me.  

I want my Sunday experience to be perfect in ever way. I want to live in a perfect world.  I don’t think it’s asking too much…just one hour a week in a perfect world.   

Then I realized while my body was able to maintain the proper pious posture my mind was exactly like that six-year-old kid.  Paying attention one moment and off somewhere else the next.  

It was a humbling realization that I was a hypocrite.  I was there to thank God for all my blessings but I could not keep on task…not even for a few minutes.  

So I closed my eyes and prayed…

Forgive me Lord for my pompous behavior.

And thank you so for being my savior.

In times like these when I complain and mumble

You always know how to make me humble.

Amen.

Countryside Ride

It was a beautiful day for a spin through the countryside. I traversed over hill and dale astride the 40 year old motorcycle.  It purred along with a steady drone as my shirt flutter in the breeze and hair dance about my head. 

Past the vineyard on the hill, the barns and barnyard, over the bridges and brooks along the narrow lane I bounded.  Ranch houses, cottages and cabins…cats, cows and chipmunks…even a horse or two scattered the landscape.  A furrowed field and picturesque pasture were sights suitable for framing. 

It all made me thankful for my many blessings as I breathed in the fresh cool January air.

Thank you Lord for this day

And for sending it my way

It is with some regret

That it is you I forget.  

To thank you is such a little thing

For all the many things you bring

Yet I forget who is in charge

And that’s a mistake that is so large.  

Amen.

Land Of Plenty

 When you live in the land of plenty and are lacking in the self-denial department it is impossible to maintain a normal body weight.

And so a lifetime of overindulgence has gotten me to a rather uncomfortable place. 

I didn’t realize I was obese until my last physical when the doctor blurted out that ugly word...OBESE. It was a wake up call for me. Obese?  That’s how you refer to fat people. I cant live with the idea of being fat.  Overweight maybe...but not obese. 

So the Bluebell, the biscuits and the bagels had to go...no longer can I enjoy the best-baked breads. All the delightful deserts are out...no pecan pie, no pudding and no poppy seed pastries. I can no longer spend my time lying on the couch, staring into the refrigerator or hanging out at the “all you can eat buffet. It’s time to turnover a new leaf...literally choke down those leafy greens. Protein is the priority. 

Dare I say, even air up the tires on the bicycle and pedal down to the gym. 

Well, I’m happy to repotting it worked... twenty-two pounds in two months. I never realized I had any will power. It is so encouraging to be able to tie your shoes without coming up for air. Perhaps I can even reach a normal body weight with help from above.  It must have been that little prayer.

Dear Lord Jesus 

If it’s not to much to ask

Help me with my fast

I’ve never had much control 

In matters of the soul

But now I clearly see

Your stuff matters to me 

I want to live happily 

For all eternity 

Now that I can see

The glutton I used to be 

Here is my modest plea

That You be with me. 

Amen