The Day Before Christmas Eve

Over the last forty-eight years Dec 23^rd has become one of my favorite days.  It is a day to recall an event in history that changed my life.  I was not sure what I was getting into when I said “I do”…but I had my suspicions.   Fortunately my suspicions were correct.  It has been an adventure and with all adventures come difficulties…difficulties that you over come. 

Thank you, Miss Mary for the adventure of a lifetime.  Please accept my apologies for being so difficult.  Thanks for showing me what real love is.

Always yours

Happy Anniversary

Gene

All I Want For Christmas

There is no need for a plastic card

All those payments, much too hard.

Do not listen to advertising lures

Their empty promise never cures.

There's something else so much better

Better than a love letter.

While it couldn’t be any stranger

The gift was found in a manger.

All the treasures do not equal

What will follow in the sequel.

That baby boy, the son of man

Had the answer, the salvation plan.

For you and me he showed the way

How we escape this melee.

Peace and joy for you and yours

This I know Christ assures.

For this I pray on Christmas day

All good things come your way.

Amen

Once Upon A Time

As I dried the white dinner plate and stacked it away with the assortment of mismatched place settings…it sparked a flash back to my childhood.  Those were the days of family dinners…the days of no fast foods…the days of having to do the dishes by hand.  Oh!  How I hated that chore.

I did not understand why I had to do such a grueling unpleasant task when I could have been outside riding my bike, throwing a stick or skipping rocks across the water. 

Still even worse was the family’s saying of the Holy Rosary.  How I dreaded that before bed activity.  I wasted that time daydreaming of shooting squirrels with my Red Rider BB gun.  Yes…with that “shoot your eye out” BB gun that never appeared under my Christmas tree.

Now, almost three quarters of a century later, I enjoy washing dishes.  I like the feel of hot soapy water...cleaning the greasy pots and pans, drying and putting away the dishes.  I find it to be a most satisfying experience…perhaps therapeutic, possibly prayerful.  

Even stranger…the Rosary…is now, my go-to prayer.  The Rosary transports me to a better place with no need to skip rocks, ride bikes or shoot squirrels.  It’s kinda like a warm fuzzy daydream that fills me with hope.  The prayer calms my fears, wipes my tears and speaks to my soul.  It speaks to my soul about who is in charge, who will take care of me and who invites me to be like him.

I am not who I used to be.  Life…God’s grace…has changed me…Hopefully I am a better version of myself. 

Dear Lord:

Although I'm scared,
Thru life I've fared.
You did not care,

I’ve been elsewhere.

You spare no cost,

When I was lost.

You call me home,

When I roam.

You’re always there,

For my welfare.

You’ve done it all,

You took the fall.

I can’t repay,

In any way,

The things You’ve done,

That were not fun.

For nothing can replace
Your amazing grace.  

And all I can do 

Is say "Thank You"

Amen

Judgmental

At Sunday Mass…from the corner of my eye I caught an adolescent returning to his pew just as the Host was being raised at the Consecration. 

I thought how could anyone be so oblivious to the fact that this is the most important part of the Mass.  When I was a kid.  First…to my knowledge…there were no restrooms to which one could escape. And second…no one would ever attempt such an escape for fear of the “Look”…that "wait till we get home" look.

I just couldn’t believe that anyone would have the audacity to leave during the middle of Mass.  As I mentally shook my Pharisee finger…it occurred to me that I had just returned to my pew from a far-away daydream.  

Wow!  That was a splinter in the eye moment…actually a log in the eye.

Dear Lord Jesus,

Thank you, Lord, for this conviction

Please accept my contrition

Help me so I never falter

And never leave You at the altar.

Amen

Good Morning God

Come Holy Spirit jump-start my day

No need for Starbucks’ expensive cofé

Come dwell in my heart, always to stay

This simple request I wish to convey.

For I am weak with feet of clay

So give me strength never to stray

From God’s word, please, if you may

And so it is, Lord, this prayer I pray.

Amen

A Prayer For You

Do not let the world destroy

All your beautiful peace and joy

When someday you do look back

Things won’t seem so out of whack.

I prayed God make you wise enough

To handle all that crazy stuff.

When you think it's all too much

Ask the Lord for his peaceful touch.

So I prayed this prayer for you today

That God bless you in a special way

I asked He send some extra grace

For all the problems that you face.

Amen.

My Morning Meditation

Luke 22  Peter’s Denial of Jesus.

 …“After arresting him they led him away and took him into the house of the high priest; Peter was following at a distance.  They lit a fire in the middle of the courtyard and sat around it, and Peter sat down with them.  When a maid saw him seated in the light, she looked intently at him and said, “This man too was with him.”  But he denied it saying, “Woman, I do not know him.”  A short while later someone else saw him and said, “You too are one of them”; but Peter answered, “My friend, I am not.”  About an hour later, still another insisted, “Assuredly, this man too was with him, for he also is a Galilean.”  But Peter said, “My friend, I do not know what you are talking about.” Just as he was saying this, the cock crowed,  and the Lord turned and looked at Peter;  and Peter remembered the word of the Lord, how he had said to him, “Before the cock crows today, you will deny me three times.”   He went out and began to weep bitterly.”…

So what is God saying to me?

God is not saying anything…He just turns and looks at me…and I know that if there was ever a time that I could fill Simon’s sandals this is it.  That devastating look of love...love and mercy that convicts the soul.

Dear Lord Jesus…

You, my Lord, have paid the toll/

That fateful day upon a knoll.

Hanging there nailed to that Pole/

Your precious blood made me whole.

Through my days I can’t simply stroll/

Your look of love convicts my soul.

Of my life please take control/

I pray, my Lord, this be my goal.

Amen.

A Goat In Sheep’s Clothing

Today’s first reading…in Paul’s letter to the Romans…he wrote, “I do not do the good I want but do the evil I do not want”.  I see myself like him…“Miserable one that I am”.

I muse about the about the Son of Man coming in his glory and separating one from another as the shepherd separates the sheep from the goats…and I speculate...perhaps I’m a goat in sheep’s clothing.

Dear Lord Jesus,

I do not do the good I want

Listening to the devil’s taunt.

I do not need to take this jaunt

It causes nothing but trouble and haunt.

As I approach my final sleep

I see my life in a heap.

I fret and ponder thoughts so deep

It gives me cause to cry and weep.

O’ my soul so thin and gaunt

 ‘tis your help I truly want

Now I pledge Your Word to keep.

No more a goat…now a sheep.

Amen

A Recovering Recluse

Being a self proclaimed introvert I tend to keep away from other people.  I don’t deal with drama very well…especially their drama.  Adequate social skills have eluded me…engaging in casual conversation is next to impossible.  To chat, to gossip, or to participate in shallow drivel seems like meaningless communication and a colossal waste of time.  Yet…on another level…I realize I’m missing some element of showing that I care about others. 

 It is so much more comfortable to hide in my closet scribbling my thoughts, musings and reflecting while I avoid others and their drama. 

Dear Lord Jesus, 

For this I pray

Give me the gumption today

To come out of my inner room and say,

“Hello” to someone who may 

Need your love in a special way.

I realize it is not right

To hide my candle’s light

Under a bushel basket

That may become my casket.

Amen

What Is God Saying To Me?

“Stop judging and you will not be judged.  Stop condemning and you will not be condemning.  Forgive and you will be forgiven.”
Luke 6: 37

Yes Lord, I know, I must stop my gnat straining, camel swallowing ways/

And picking the splinter from my brother’s eye never pays.

So come Holy Spirit and change my heart/

Because from you, Lord, I cannot be apart.
Amen.

Rubix Cube

It sat on my desk staring at me and taunting my ego...saying “you can do it…your nine year old grandson did it. Go ahead try it.”  

After an eternity of aggravation and frustration I goggled the instructions that explained the algorithmic method to the solution.  This did nothing but confuse the issue.  Now, I am thinking just peel off the little colored stickers and place them where I want them.

It is difficult to put into words the irritation and disappointment I felt.  But at that moment…that Erica moment…it became clear that if I could not understand this...then I would never understand the complexity of God and his thinking.   

I will never be able to totally process God’s logic in my head but some where deep down in my heart…in the depths of my soul…I know he is there, he is real and he loves me.

He is the only thing that makes sense in a world of non-sense…he is the only one who can calm my fears and let me know that everything will be OK.

I’m just a rube

With that Rubix cube

But worry not

he has a plot

For in God’s hands

Are my plans

It’s for the best

My final rest

Amen.

Going Under The Knife

There is something about going under the knife that makes me think of mortality, death and the life hereafter…no matter how small the lump or bump being cut out.

I am always a bit conflicted in my thoughts…torn between the promises of eternal happiness and the thought that I’ve done nothing to deserve any of it. 

But I cling to the hope of an all merciful, all loving God who has always taken care of me…even back when I would not have given Him the time of day…that thought crushes me with gratitude, humility and lets me know everything will be OK. 

Dear Lord Jesus

Thank you for being who you are.

Even when it seems too far

that I will never make the par.

You always are my saving star.

Amen.

Autumn Mornings

I so love this time of year

When air is fresh and shy is clear.

I rise with Venus in the east

And see God’s stars that never cease.

The heavens filled with such amaze

Not obstructed by the haze.

Little star…up there so high

I see the twinkle in God’s eye.

As mornings twilight glow appears

I hear the songbirds in my ears.

And so it goes all the day

With sun a shining I make hay.

With daylight over I fall asleep

I count my blessings instead of sheep.

I can’t believe I am so blessed

Yes…dear Lord, you are the best.

Amen.

My Prayer For Today

Dear Lord Jesus

I sat down to compose a prayer

But my thoughts evaporated in air

I couldn’t express the indescribable feeling

That comes with your miraculous healing.

But this I must get off my chest

That I am thankful you have blessed

You’ve saved my life from utter disaster

Forever, you will be my master.

Words are cheep and fade away

But With your help…I do pray

That my actions will pass the test

And in your arms I come to rest.

Amen.

Plow On

"Jesus answered him, “No one who sets a hand to the plow
  and looks to what was left behind is fit for the Kingdom of God.”  Luke 9:62

This verse from today's reading makes me think. 
While I've set my hand to the plow it seems I keep looking back at the crooked rows and wondering why they are not straight.  When all the while I know the only way to make straight rows is to look forward.  

Dear lord Jesus
Help me keep my eyes on you
I know this is the thing to do
'cause every time I look away
It seems that things go astray. 

I must not focus on the past
I can not undo mistakes...Alas
You will take me where I'm at
And for this I tip my hat. 

So I plow on...straight ahead 
And let the dead bury their dead
With you I can handle the strife
You are the way, the truth, the life.
Amen. 

How Can It Be?

When I question how it can be
I must remember He is not me.
For He is God it's plain to see
And "all things possible" is the key.

So I believe...I guarantee
in those things that puzzle me.
It does not take a masters degree
To fall down upon bended knee.

So I pray that all would agree
That from His love you do not flee.

Amen.

What Is God Saying To Me?

As usual…I sit listening to the silence…hoping to hear some words of wisdom, some words of encouragement or just some confirmation from God.  But the only voice I hear is mine.  I never know if God is talking to me or I’m talking to myself. 

It would be nice if God used his own voice or maybe the voice of Charles Heston or perhaps Morgan Freeman…but it is always my voice…and I find that confusing.

On the other hand…there are times when I get a feeling that washes over me like a huge wave that leaves me gasping for breath and drowning in tears…that's when I know that God is real and that He is there to save me from myself.

Father, Son and Holy Spirit, I thank you for your gracious companionship.  I praise you for being my Creator, Savior, and Lord.  May I take your blessings to my day, and may your presence envelop and permeate all my thoughts and actions, through Christ our Lord.

Amen.

My Spastic Mind

As I followed along with the first reading…taken from Saint Paul’s letter to the Ephesians…my spastic mind transported me back to grade school and diagramming sentences, a concept I’ve never really grasped.

Brothers and sisters:

I, a prisoner for the Lord,

urge you to live in a manner worthy of the call you have received,

with all humility and gentleness, with patience,

bearing with one another through love,

striving to preserve the unity of the Spirit

through the bond of peace:

one Body and one Spirit,

as you were also called to the one hope of your call;

one Lord, one faith, one baptism;

one God and Father of all,

who is over all and through all and in all.

But grace was given to each of us

according to the measure of Christ’s gift.

And he gave some as Apostles, others as prophets,

others as evangelists, others as pastors and teachers,

to equip the holy ones for the work of ministry,

for building up the Body of Christ,

until we all attain to the unity of faith

and knowledge of the Son of God, to mature manhood,

to the extent of the full stature of Christ.

Eph 4:1-7,11-13

I stared at the run-on sentences wondering how on earth they would fit onto a tree branch diagram that meandered across the black boards of the fifth grade classroom.  Perhaps the original Greek would have been easer to deal with.

Dear Lord Jesus,

At times your words seem Greek to me

But for you I will a prisoner be

Pray never from your graces flee

And with your help be true to Thee

Amen.

A Dream Come True

As a kid I dreamed of riding around the country on a motorcycle perhaps as a result of watching too many shows like “Easy Rider” and “Then Came Bronson”.  So in a moment of nostalgia and low mental acuity I decided to do the Colorado Butler Motorcycle Map Challenge.

Butler is a company the makes high quality, waterproof maps for motorcycle riders.  They rate and highlight the roads; good, better and best…and I was going to ride every road they recommended.

So I packed my saddlebags, gassed up the tank, and off I went to Colorado with my old classic BMW airhead…accompanied by my son with his red ST1100 Honda.  Fortunately, with a spark of sanity I decided to leave my sleeping bag at home and take my VISA card instead. 

Without perseverating on the boring details we spent seven days experiencing knee-dragging sweepers, heart-stopping switchbacks and eye-popping vistas.  We crossed the Continental Divide numerous times racing over the high mountain passes, down twisting canyons, and passed by rocky spires and stony crags.  We experienced the stone walls of Stonewall, the quaint little towns like La Veta, Lake City and Creede…not to mention all the regular tourist traps.

Getting high in Colorado!  Yes, indeed, the Rocky Mountain National Park is two and a half miles up into the thin air above the tree line.  This sea level dweller huffed and puffed just twisting the throttle while the bicycle riders peddled there way to the top with apparent ease.

We experienced Colorado’s morning lows and afternoon highs, the flat almost endless high plains that stretched to the horizon, the great sand dunes, the dust devils, snow covered mountaintops, cold mountain rains, old railroad tunnels, Boulder’s bicycles and Denver’s traffic.

It was a great adventure but my dream of riding cross-country on a motorcycle at 17 years old is more of a nightmare at 71.  I am exhausted!

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for getting us home safe and sound.

Thank you for allowing me to see your awesome handy work.

For you are indeed an amazing God that does amazing things.

Thank you for blessing me in so many ways.

Amen.

Dancing And Weeping

‘We played the flute for you, but you did not dance.

We sang a dirge, but you did not weep.’  Luke 7:32

As I stood listening to today’s gospel…I could not help but think of my life long lukewarm approach to the God’s word.  Neither leaping for joy at the good news nor weeping over the terrible injustice Our Lord suffered.

But some how something has changed…I discreetly wiped the tear from my cheek and held my breath. 

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all you have done and all you continue to do for me. Today…I pray that you give me the wisdom to know and the fortitude to do your will not mine. 

Amen.

Let Peace Control Your Heart

In today's first reading (Col 3:12-17) the words,
"...let the peace of Christ control your hearts,..." ,
founded their way into the chink of my worldly armor. 

The realization that I am far to up tight about many things of this world that really have little significance in the overall scheme of God's plan. 

Dear Lord,
Let me be thankful.
Let your word dwell in me,
as in all wisdom you teach.
May I sing psalms, hymns, and spiritual songs
with gratitude in my heart.
And whatever I do, in word or in deed,
I do in the your name, Lord Jesus,
giving thanks to God the Father through you.
Amen.

Under The Fig Tree

It never made much sense to me why Nathanael, aka Bartholomew, instantly believed just because Jesus saw him under the fig tree.  It was always…so what…what is so special about seeing him under the fig tree.  I always wondered what ole Nate was doing under that tree…what made this encounter so special.  Was he eating figs, stealing figs, taking a nap…what was it?    

Well…today, the feast of Bartholomew, I found out.  Thanks to Father Christopher’s explanation…it seems Bart was praying. Probably praying for a sign, a sign from God…and BAM…he got it. 

Dear Lord Jesus, my prayer today is that I be more like Nathanael…so You might say to me “there is no duplicity in him”.  Amen

Today’s Gospel: John 1:45-51

The Puzzle's Missing Piece

I never quite understood the parable in Matthew’s gospel about the man who was bound hands and feet and thrown out of the wedding feast because he was not wearing the wedding garment.  I always thought his treatment was a bit harsh. After all maybe he couldn’t afford a nice coat and tie or perhaps his only suit was at the cleaners. The parable just never made good sense to me. 

But today…I was given the missing piece to the puzzle.  Father Gary explained; it was common knowledge, back then, that the party host supplied everyone with the proper garment.   

So this guy just refused to wear it.

Well now…that makes a lot more sense…no wonder he got thrown out.

Thank you, Lord Jesus…

When I puzzle over words I read

You supply my every need

You are there to sow the seed

And guide my hands in every deed.

Help me, Lord, follow your lead

I want not to be an ugly weed

You were ready and willing to bleed

So...that I might be freed

Your every word I must heed

And on your body I must feed

Please forgive my selfish greed

For this is my earnest plead.

Amen.

Today’s gospel reading….. Matthew 22:1-14

One More Behind Me

One more funeral behind me, one more funeral closer to being able to recline through the entire Mass without having to do all that sitting, kneeling and standing…I contemplated.  Eyeing Father Celestino Say’s simple pine box casket I could not help but be a little envious…envious that I was not more like him, a man of God, a man who finished the race, a man who fought the good fight.   

The souls of the righteous are in the hand of God, and no torment shall touch them.

They seemed, in the view of the foolish, to be dead;

and their passing away was thought an affliction

and their going forth from us, utter destruction.

But they are in peace.

For if to others, indeed, they seem punished,

yet is their hope full of immortality;

Chastised a little, they shall be greatly blessed,

because God tried them

and found them worthy of himself.

As gold in the furnace, he proved them,

and as sacrificial offerings he took them to himself.

In the time of their judgment they shall shine

and dart about as sparks through stubble;

They shall judge nations and rule over peoples,

and the LORD shall be their King forever.

Those who trust in him shall understand truth,

and the faithful shall abide with him in love:

Because grace and mercy are with his holy ones,

and his care is with the elect.   Wisdom 3:1-9

8/8/15

Just Another Day

Another day, another daily Mass…I worry that I’ve fallen into a rut, into a routine, a meaningless habit of just going though the motions.  I sit in the same ole pew…my “monkey mind” swinging from daydream to daydream.  

But, then, without warning…something wakes me from my stupor.  It is like a huge wave that crashes over me and washes away all my doubts and worries…leaves me gasping for air with an uncontrollable feeling of gratitude that forces me to hold my breath, clench my teeth and fight back the tears. To realize what is taking place is overpowering…it is like actually being at the last supper and the foot of the cross all at the same time.

To comprehend what has been given me…with no strings attached…is overwhelming.  What a humbling thought…to think that it is a debt that I can never repay.  All I can do is say “Thank You”.   

Thank You, Lord Jesus, for all my many blessings most of all the gift of salvation.  Thank you…Thank you…Thank you. 

Amen.

And then Mass is over and I am sent forth into a world that just does not get it.  I wish I had the words to explain the difference between living WITH or living WITHOUT….JESUS.