Waiting To Die

Yesterday, Fr. Pat’s homily was a pungent reminder of an obvious but much ignored reality.  He spoke of visiting the nursing home where the residents all had the same blank stare…that “waiting to die” stare…and he reminded us that we are all waiting to die; but we distract ourselves from thinking about dying with the amusements of this world. 

After nearly 75 years of avoiding this truth…I now find it harder and harder to distract myself with those thoughts.  The older I get the less interested I am in the things of this world…fast cars, motorcycles or airplanes…work, hobbies or vacations.  It no longer concerns me about what’s around the next curve, what’s over the next hill or what’s beyond the next cloud.  It has become more difficult to get excited about stuff and I spend more and more time thinking about the “Hereafter”…thinking about what I am doing or…more to the point…about what I am not doing to prepare for this up coming reality.   I worry about that quote from Matthew chapter 16.  “Whoever wants to be my disciple must deny themselves and take up their cross and follow me.”

I’m OK with the “follow me” part…but the “take up my cross” part…I am having trouble with.

I find myself just floating along enjoying all my many blessings…for which I am very thankful…but I am not really doing much to push the envelope.  I’m not sticking my neck out, not doing much to evangelize; I’m not being bold like the apostles.  I need to be all in.  My fear is that I’m lukewarm…and we all know what that means.

Dear Lord Jesus

Dare I pray you change my way

“Tail me up” as they say

Give me the boost I will obey

I need a push before judgment day.

Amen.