Overweight Is My Goal

For the last three quarters of a century I have enjoyed relatively good health. But on my last annual check up I was told that I have Pre-Diabetes. I’m assuming that’s what precedes the real Diabetes which has lots of side effects…one being “death”.

Apparently life has been good...too good. For it seems I have managed to gobble my way into the obese category. Obese is such an ugly word. I’ve never considered myself obese. I just thought I was carrying a little extra baby fat.
At any rate I have given up my crapulous life style and adopted a new one without cake, cookies or candy…no pizza pasta or popcorn. Not even bread, butter or Bluebell is allowed to cross my lips.  My fear is that I might grow long ears and a bunny tail if I eat one more leafy green vegetable. 

 

I think I’m having withdrawal symptoms because I wake up in the middle of the night screaming “Pizza Hut”.

Only two more pounds and I will achieve my goal of being overweight.  Normal weight is most certainly out of the question.  

I am told that my BMI has to be less than 30 to be overweight. So, as soon as I reach 29.999 I will be celebrating with large “Hot and Ready” Pepperoni or maybe I’ll go berserk at the all you can eat Golden Corral buffet.

Dear Lord,

You were good to me far too long

Now I have to sing a different song

Self-denial is not my forte 

But this is for what I pray.

If I can just die healthy and such

Hopefully that’s not asking too much

I know that I am old and gray

But before I must return to clay.

Please help me slim down a little bit

So the doctor want have a fit

I hope that this will be OK

But if it’s not I will obey. 

Amen