Awake

As I lay awake listening to the occasional light snore coming from my wife I peered at the clock ticking off the minutes of wee morning hours. It wasn’t the noise keeping me from sleep…but it was…the flow of tiny electrons through the circuits of my brain…it was the mental activity that would not subside. I kept thinking about the words from Sunday morning …the same words we always repeat at each and every Sunday mass. It was the Confiteor: “I confess to almighty God, and to you, my brothers and sisters, that I have sinned thought my own fault, in my thoughts and in my words, in what I have done, and in what I have failed to do…” I couldn’t help but ponder all the “what I have failed to do” moments in my past…all those missed opportunities that I really never considered to be an offense to God.

The beggar on the street…I would roll up my window as I passed in an effort not to be seen. The collection plate at church …I would close my eyes, as it was passed, as if in deep prayer.
Not making the sign of the cross and saying the blessing out loud before public meals.
And the list goes on.

My policy is to never volunteer for anything, never do more than required, but never break the rules. Well, I have got to change my policy, I have to extracate myself from the mushy middle, get out of my lukewarmness, I’ve got to be proactive in this fight, and I have to get out front in this race.

I pray, Dear Lord Jesus, please give me the wisdom to recognize my faults and failings and give me the strength and courage to correct them.

As Amen crosses my lips…I nodded off to sleep.