Mandatory Vacation

It was a hazy day with off white cumulus clouds scattered throughout the summer sky as I stared at the big “W” on my 99 cent compass velcroed to the dash of my truck. I lingered in a semi-comatose state driving westbound on hwy 90 as my sub conscious replayed the morning packing for the annual mandatory vacation. I had loaded three window units and questioned whether or not we would be taking the 22cu ft upright freezer this year. “No, not this time” she said, “we’re trying to cut down on what we take”. “That’s good” I thought as I loaded the propane fired barbecue grill with matching fold down end trays and electro-magnetic ignition system next to the industrial water cooler with 4- 5gal water bottles. I could feel the aggravation level rising through my entire body. My minimalistic instincts were fighting a loosing battle. With each ice chest and box of kitchen utensils my discomfort increased. And then she asked, “Did you pack everything you need?” I snapped. “Of course”, I retorted, the words dripping with sarcasm. I had given that subject no consideration whatsoever, besides what could I possibly need? A pair of jeans, a couple of T-shirts, tennis shoes, maybe sandals, then the optional stuff…shaving gear and underwear…after all we’re just going camping. As I struggled to close the tailgate on the one ton load in my half ton pick-up…I made a few more surly remarks under my breath and we departed 3 hours late.

Day 2
After surviving the arduous tasks of unpacking and setting up camp I looked forward to a day of rest and relaxation in a cool air-conditioned cabin. I penciled in both morning and afternoon naps on my camp activities schedule only to be interrupted by meals and snacks. As I slithered back to my cabin, I observed the grandchildren, some mine, scurrying about the camp filling water balloons and making preparations for the ensuing battle. After assuming the horizontal position I could feel my eyelids slowly drifting closed. A peaceful calm came over me and I knew all was right with the world.
Awakened by the smell of garlic bread and lasagna I noticed a block of ice had formed on the evaporator of my brand new 10,000BTU window unit. “This in not a good sign”, I thought. Could this mean that the inadequate refrigerant charge after passing thru the expansion valve picked up all the heat it could on its journey from a liquid state to gas and therefore caused the coil to drop below the freezing point of H2O before it reached the end of the evaporator coil? No! You idiot; it means it’s broke and you are going to spend the rest of the week in a warm clammy cabin.

Day 3
Finding it hard to break old habits, at 5:00AM my eyes pop open and I am wide awake. So as not to disturb all the other sleepy heads, I go to the kitchen and turn all three elements of the stainless steal Valcan commercial grill to 350 deg F. Wile I wait for the temperature to stabilize, I whip up a dozen eggs, a big bowl of pancake batter, slice up fruit, chop all the ingredients for omelets and lay 2lbs of bacon on the grill. With spatula in hand I imagine myself a great chef, kinda like at IHOP. Wait a minute, this is exactly like at IHOP, the burned bacon, the runny eggs. As each day passes the menu varies based on what’s left in the frig and my demented culinary mind. The “taquito surprise” wasn’t that bad! Well! this is fun but it reminds me that I could never be in the restaurant business…it’s too much work.

Day 4
As I take yet another large garbage bag to the dumpster I think, “Am I the only one who is on trash detail?”…I need to talk to the camp director. I don’t remember signing up for this…and why does everybody fill the bags to over flowing? As I suppressed the urge to shout out the vernacular expression that confounds my knowledge of genetic science regarding the off spring of a female k-9, I thought “what don’t they understand?” If you stop putting trash in the bag when you still have enough room to tie it shut and start a new bag for any additional trash, it’s easy to maintain a clean and safe environment. Wait! What was I thinking? That logic doesn’t work at home and it’s not going to work here. I need a nap.

Day 5
Tubing is a popular activity on the Frio River. As the parents organized the kids and aired up tubes, applied sun screen, fed the horde of hungry mouths, I was drafted into service to haul all the necessary gear to the low water crossing where the expedition would put in. I am given instruction to pick them up at a point 2 ½ hours down stream. With the precision of a Navy Seals team we meet at the extraction point and I never leave the comfort of my air conditioned truck. Wow! What an adventure! Back to camp for burgers over an open fire topped off with the traditional S’mores…well more like kids with pointed sticks having fun burning marshmallows to a black crisp and dropping them in the dirt while the parents ate the chocolate straight up. The next morning I woke up with a headache and “S’more mouth”.

Day 6
The dance—every evening the camp buzzed with excitement as the children from four to forty got ready to go to the dance in the park. For the next 2 hours the little ones danced standing on their daddy’s feet, the cousins chased each other through the crowds and the children filled the parents’ cameras with memories; memories that will not be deleted but permanently stored in the back of my head.

My idea of vacation differs from most folks who have to spend the days trapped in a climate controlled office staring at papers or computer screens. I spend every day in the blistering sun, wollering in the sand, dirt or mud. Needless to say the beach or anywhere in South Texas is not my choice. I want to NOT wear sunscreen for a change. I want to break the ice off a mountain stream to get a drink. I want to zip my sleeping bag over my head to stay warm. But then…I’m a dreamer not a doer; a follower, not a leader… so I’ll probably be back next year doing what I’m told to do.
Thank you, Lord, for a family of doers.
Thank you for letting me watch them experience all the excitement of life.
Please, Jesus, continue to tell me what to do and give me the wisdom to follow you.
Amen.

7/12/2008