Fan Mail

Dear readers thank you for sharing your comments, compliments and critique.
Anita wrote:

Gene,
I read your writings & thought essays. Your are such a great writer!
I felt so much in your words and thoughts. You have a very special
gift with words & thoughts. …………………………………
………………………………………………………………..
Thanks for sharing your writings. Have you ever read Emerson?
You remind me of him; or even Thoreau.
Anita

Dear Anita:
Please forgive me for being tardy in responding to your email. Since receiving it I have been extremely busy. All the running back and forth to Kinko’s and Hobby Lobby and deciding on enlarging copy, matting and custom framing and such…it is very time consuming. Then there is the placement…should I hang it over my bed so that I might re-read it every morning and night or should I hang it of over the front door post so that the entire world could see it? Decisions…decisions?…then there were the multiple trips to the Hatter trying stretch my old hat to fit… and it’s still too tight. Anyway the main purpose for writing was to request a signed and certified copy of your e-mail to show to my skeptical school teacher wife as proof of my literacy.

Thanks again for your support and encouragement.

Gene

P.S. I could not find a Even Thoreau listed on Wikipedia but there was a Henry David Thoreau…maybe it is his brother.

Writing on Walls

My wife set me up with a FACEBOOK account…apparently so I might have friends. She explained that I could write whatever I wanted on my wall or someone else’s wall. I don’t think she understood that I have an aversion to writing on walls…it probably stemmed from an early childhood experience. As I recall...I was in my sixth year of life, it was just prior to my first grade episode; a whole other story (see story titled “First Grade”). For some unknown reason I decided to scribe a line around the entire outside circumference of our house’s white slate walls with a red crayon. Our house was one in a row of many identical houses that made up the oil field camp. I really think the red line gave our abode a certain notoriety that set it off from all the rest. It looked kinda like a high water mark…ironically in the middle of West Texas. Needless to say…this unleashed a tsunami of wrath and rage from my father. The fury of which was so powerful that I can recall the exact consequences of my actions some seventy years later.

So please forgive me if I don’t seem too enthusiastic about embracing the idea of writing on your wall, for it seems almost like vandalism.

Besides I liked the ole family chain letter with pictures you could hold and touch, with notes and letters written on real paper with real pen and ink. Maybe it was not sent at the speed of light but it was an event. Maybe I am just too old and too tired to keep pace with all this new electronic technology. Oops! gotta go! My computer is telling me “I’ve got mail”.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for a wife who’s always looking after me, for a father who kept me in line and most of all for your example to follow. Amen

Official Greeter

My wife is always getting me to do stuff…stuff I am not really qualified to do. Today she dressed me in a suit and tie then explained that we were greeters at 11AM Mass. Wait a minute! What do I do? What do I say? Shouldn’t there be some sort of training for this? You do know people scare me…don’t you? “Just say good morning and give them a prayer book” she cajoled. Maybe I should practice in front of the mirror. “It’s too late for that” says she pinning the official greeter name tag on my lapel.

Good morning!...Good morning!....Good morning!....Good morning!
Good morning!...Good morning!..................................

Well! That wasn’t so bad.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for a wife who always challenges me to be someone I’m not.
Truly, I am not who I used to be.
Yet, I am not who I am going to be.
Please, Lord, make me into who You want me to be.

Amen


3/22/2009

What’s My Zip Code?

I am supposed to be cleaning out the garage to make room for the wife’s car who’s exterior has faded. I meant the car’s exterior not the wife’s. But I began worrying about other issues that seem more important. The economy, the country’s leadership, the moral state of the country in general

My faith in all the above is dwindling. The economy with all the money shufflers and money changers is a problem. I think the rule is: "Thou shalt not covet thy neighbor’s goods". Our neighbor’s goods…that’s what 401Ks and such are made of. Greed seems to be the order of the day…certainly it is neither prudence nor common sense. Our political leaders apparently did not get the memo on “Thou shalt not kill." They are eager to spend our tax dollars on butchering the unborn and partially born in the name of choice and change.

Where am I…Sodom, or possibly Gomorrah? I need to check my zip code. I am feeling like Lot must have felt when he was told to take his family and leave. Sometimes it feels like I am all alone and I think surely there must be fifty others that think as I. Maybe forty-five? Forty? Thirty-five? Twenty five? How about ten? OK! I need to get out of town, change my zip and don’t look back.


Father God thank you for a clear set of absolute truths and rules to follow.
Thank you Jesus for your example of how to follow the rules.
Please, Holy Spirit, help me stay focused on Jesus and not look back.
Amen

Pondering Pain

In the early morning dark the moist chilly air was uncomfortable as it rushed over me. Gradually the slow burn from my legs circulated throughout my entire body until I welcomed the cool air as it refreshed and carried away the unwanted heat generated by my pedaling. The dense fog gave things an eerie cast and made the light from a lonesome car disburse and backlight each and ever particle of moisture. I pondered the meaning of it all. I thought of life and death, suffering and pain. I thought of my aging aunt who had recently fallen and broken her arm and how much pain she must be in. I thought of you, Lord Jesus, and how much pain you went though and still do…when I, your child, do prideful things and say “it doesn’t hurt anyone else”. That part I have only come to understand and appreciate because of my children. Is that why you give us children...so that they bring us to our knees? I am sure their view point is “it’s not hurting anyone else”. But it does hurt…it hurts me when I see them hurting themselves…breaking Your commandments. Oh yeah! Sorry about that…Mom and Dad…all that I put you through. Yes! If I only knew then what I know now…it would have been different.

Thank you, Lord, for giving meaning to pain and suffering.
Please accept my meager aches and pains as a small token of my appreciation for what you have done for me.
Please, Lord Jesus, help me keep my eyes focused on You.
Amen.

3/20/2009

Happy Hour

It’s five o’clock, and here I am here again. This is getting to be a habit. Coming here, getting high and hanging out. I am almost embarrassed. Oh Well! At least my clothes don’t smell like cigarette smoke. And I am not going to be hung over. It is five AM not PM. Adoration is pretty cool. Getting high on Jesus. Hanging out at church. Not all habits are bad.

Thank you, Lord Jesus for letting me spend this “happy hour” with you.

“It’s five o’clock some where.”

Amen

3/11/2007

ONE HOUR?

“Don’t sign me up for adoration” I begged my wife. I don’t want to give up an hour of my precious time to sit in church trying to pray when I know I’m not any good at that. I can’t even say a decade of the rosary without loosing my place. I will never make it. Oh! No! Not every Friday? That’s too much of a commitment. I can’t do that every Friday. What if I have something important to do? “Well! OK” I relent, thinking to myself. I can’t afford to alienate the only woman I am allowed to have sex with. After all 4:00am is only an hour earlier that I normally get up anyway. This want be so bad. I’ll just sit here and see what God has to say to me. Maybe, I’ll stop thinking with my head and start thinking with my heart. Yea! I’ll try that.
What? It’s time to go? What happened to the 60 minutes of pure agony I was expecting? I rather enjoyed the time with Jesus. I am looking forward to next week. Doing nothing with Jesus is kinda fun.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for allowing me to spend time with You.
Thank you, Jesus, for giving me a wife who is a spiritual and moral compass, for surely without her I would loose my way.

Amen


3/6/2007

Tooth Fairy

(you might read "Keep your mouth shut" first, posted 3-10-2009)

Dear readers, thank you for your questions and comments:
Ed wrote:

Gene,
Since it was a baby tooth, I would like to know if the tooth fairy came?
Ed


Dear Ed
I am currently in negotiations with said Fairy. While the tooth in question was in fact a baby tooth it appears payment can only be made if said tooth has either fallen out of…or been removed physically from…the mouth (in its entirety) and left under pillow of the tooth’s owner or legal guardian. In this case a large portion of the aforementioned tooth did in fact leave the mouth or facial area but the root remains intact. Therefore this voids all fiduciary arrangements and agreements between said Fairy and participating baby/adolescent or in my case senior citizen.

It appears my only recourse is to appeal to the highest court in the land and hope for some sort of “bail out” or “stimulus payment” that will relieve my financial woes.

Thank you for your concern.


Yours truly,

Gene
Dentally challenged senior

Keep Your Mouth Shut

As I stumbled out of the dentists office the feeling in my face along with my memory slowly returned. I recalled him saying “we’re going to numb you up a little bit”. Are you kidding…I couldn’t even feel my eye brows. If that was a “little bit” what’s the next step…general anesthesia?

Anyway I was pleased with the outcome. All the plastering on of material, curing it with a laser light out of “Star Wars”…all the grinding, scraping and polishing was worth it.
He had created a perfect sculpture of a tiny tooth in some kind of white marble-like substance.

I had become accustomed to that bicuspid. It was a baby tooth actually and for some strange genetic reason it had never fallen out. So after breaking a piece off on the occasion of my 64th birthday I was pleased it could be given a new lease on life. Science and medicine have come a long way…I can’t imagine sporting a wooden tooth.

Now I no longer feel the need to heed the warning of my wife… “Keep your mouth shut.” I hope she was referring to the “tooth” thing.


Thank you Lord, for all these wonderful benefits I enjoy.
Thank you for a dentist that knows what he is doing.
Thank you for a wife who is always there to give advice.
Amen


3/10/2009

Still In A Daze

Good morning Lord. I can’t believe I am really here. When I went to bed last night I was hurting and just knew I was not going to get up and make it down here for our five AM appointment. I even dreamed that the alarm did not go off and when I awoke it was already too late. But then the alarm did go off and somehow I got here…still in a daze. I went through the mechanics of saying the rosary but can’t seem to wake up. Probably should have pedaled my bike down here instead of using the car. That usually gets my blood pumping. I’ll just rest my head on the back of the pew, close my eyes and absorb some of your wonderful presence and peace. Yeah! That’s it! I’ll just be quiet and listen…for a change.

Zzzzzzzz, zzzzzzz, zzzzzzz, zzzzzzz,
Zz
Zzzz
Zzzzz

Oh! That was good… hope I didn’t snore. It is amazing how a 30 min snooze can really refresh me.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the peaceful and quiet time.

“Take me back to you,The place that I once knew…..;
Constantly the eyes of God watched over me.
Oh, I want to beIn the place that I once knew …..,
Fall into the bed of faith prepared for me.
I will rest in you,
I will rest in you”

Amen


Friday 5 am 3/6/09

Heartburn

As I sit in church trying not to think, but to just listen to God. I hear the distant thunder rolling and rumbling. And it reminds me of a big upset stomach, someone with heartburn. Then I think maybe it’s God’s stomach. I suspect I’m the cause of His heartburn and upset stomach. The way I act. Yes…That would do it.

I know He is supposed to be my one and only God. But I still like to admire my “golden calf”, my “stuff” it’s like a security blanket, a false security blanket. But still I can’t seem to put it down.

When will I learn? Why am I so “stiff necked”? I don’t need that.

Jesus, You have shown me the way, left me the word.

Please, Lord Jesus, I pray You give me the spiritual maturity to follow Your example and the courage to leave my false gods and false security blankets behind, for You are the only security and all the comfort I will ever need.

Amen.

8/17/2007

Cradle Catholic?

I was a "Cradle catholic"by birth. At the age of reason graduated to a "cultural catholic" submitting to all the pressure my parents brought to bear. Receiving all the sacraments required by a catholic upbringing. Married a catholic in the Catholic Church and slowly slipped into becoming a "Comatose catholic". I wanted to be free from all this oppression and being told what to do and what to believe. A "cafeteria catholic", at best...that’s right...I would pick and chose what I thought was best for me. I did not think I needed some little fat guy in white telling me what to do from Rome.

Well! Thank God, My God is the God of Jacob.
He is the God of infinite patience, infinite mercy and grace.
He is the God of mighty transforming power.

Now my goal is to become a Catholic with a capital “C”

It’s not a democracy I don’t get a vote
I don’t get to pick and chose
The “Lord’s day” is God’s day not my day
The sanctity of life has no exceptions
I have come to realize that
“Freedom can be found, laden down, under the weight of the wood”

Amen

3/8/2007 5:28:40 AM

On The Fence

Why do I walk the fence with one foot in God’s world and one foot in my world? When will I learn? I need to get off the fence and stay in God’s world.

I’m not good at decisions. On the fence there is too much gray area. Reality is, black or white, right or wrong. None of this “it’s OK if” or “I think it’s OK if I…..” I need to realize as I look over that fence into the netherworld the grass only looks greener. It’s just an optical illusion.

I don’t recall seeing any exception to the Ten Commandments. It’s not like the English language with all kinds of ambiguous rules like “i” before “e” except after “c” or if followed by “i”, “y” or “e”; but not always. Its more like math, two plus two is four, now and for all eternity. I like math. It’s easy, there is no confusion. I like God‘s rules, they are easy and there is no confusion. I am happy in God’s world.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for making life simple and easy. I pray you give me the wisdom to always reduce problems to the lowest common denominator, and to understand the paradox of life.

“For Freedom can be found, laden down, under the weight of the wood”

Amen


3/4/2007

Going to Communion

Sometimes at church I am just there taking up pew space. But, sometimes a wave of emotion comes over me. Just thinking about Jesus hanging on that cross and all He went through just for me. All His pain and suffering just to show me the way, the truth, the life.

Awash in this sea of mercy and grace, another wave crashes over me, eroding away my sand castles of iniquity. Quivering like a jelly fish, I choke back the tears, gasping and barely able to speak the word “Amen” as the priest announces “the Body of Christ”.

Returning to my pew with My Lord and Savior still on my tongue, my eye catches the sight of a beautiful young woman. It totally swamps my boat. “Dude, she’s hot!” The little voice in head sounds just like Larry the cable guy. “Lord, that an’t right”

What was I thinking? How can I go from standing in front of the gates of heaven to falling thru the trap door to hell in the blink of an eye?

In the garden of Gethsemane Jesus said to Peter “So you could not keep watch with me for one hour?” Wow! I am not even capable to “keeping watch” for even one nanosecond.

Forgive me Lord a sinner. Please, Lord, Jesus let Your vision be the only vision in my eyes and Your voice be the only voice in my head.

Amen.


2/4/2007

Pride

My pride is like a big anchor that drags me down, dragging behind me on my voyage thru life. I ‘m stuck in one place unable to sail freely. While the tide is right…I need to reel in my pride, weigh anchor, hoist the main sails, get under weigh and follow my spiritual compass. Lord Jesus, I know what to do…but, I need the courage and strength to follow the course you have plotted for me.

Please, Jesus, please help me.
Please, Jesus, make sure I “stay the course”.
Please, Lord Jesus, steer me to the destination You have prepared for me.

Amen

4/13/2007

Church Bill Boards

It shames me to think my only theological training is derived from church bill boards. But I enjoy their brief and usually poignant message. Yesterday, I noticed one that read “the greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none”.

“The greatest of all faults is to be conscious of none”.

Wow! That hit home, as if the gavel of justice pounded the words “guilt as charged” into my very soul. There was no escape. I realized I was guilty. There was no getting around it. I had to admit my guilt to myself and ask My Lord for forgiveness.

It is comforting to know that I am forgiven by the blood of Jesus.
As promised in 1 John 1:9
“If we acknowledge our sins, He who is just can be trusted to forgive our sins and cleanses us from every wrong”.

My punishment is another thing, because a just and fair God can not let me off “Scott free”. While I have avoided eternal damnation the sentencing portion of the trial has yet to come. And that’s only fair. I will have to do some “time” but it won’t be “life”.
My punishment still looms out there somewhere in the future.
For now, I’m “out on bail”. But I will have to serve my time.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for dying on the cross for me and showing me the way.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for allowing me to wear my ‘orange jump suit’ under my street clothes.

Amen



7/2/2007

HAPPY BIRTHDAY SELF

March 2nd 2007.
As I sat in church, my mind wondering and wandering, as usual I thought.
Wow!
If I live to be 100 then I am 62 percent done.
Statistically, I won’t live that long…according to the government’s National Center for Health Statistics.
The average over-weight, white, American male will live to 80.6 years.
Mathematically, that means I am 76.9% done. I’ve wasted over ¾ of my life!
I never knew what I wanted to be when I was growing up.
As of late I’ve decided I want to be a saint.
I used to think I wanted to be rich and famous.
Then I wanted to be a professional pilot.
But now, I think I want to be a saint.
I don’t have to have my picture on a prayer card and I don’t have to be canonized.
I just want to be a saint in Jesus eyes.
Man, I’ve got a lot to do, with less than ¼ of my time left on this planet.
Thank God, My God is the God of Jacob.

Yes! Jacob was a selfish, scheming, deceitful, treacherous, untruthful character. The man did not just ignore God but fought Him and defied Him at every turn.
Yet, the God of Jacob is the God of infinite patience, infinite mercy and grace.

Lord Jesus, may I experience more and more of Your mighty transforming power.

“The God of Jacob is our refuge” Psalm 46:7

“So give me clean hands
and give me a pure heart
Let me not lift my soul to another
Oh God, let me be in the generation that seeks
That seeks Your face, O’ God of Jacob”

Amen

Trip To Guatemala

As I sit here pondering the events of the last week, a smile comes across my face and I think…what an adventure! It all started when my daughter, the nurse, told me, “I’m going to Guatemala…where is it”? So I “Googled” a map and without thinking said, “That sounds exciting. I would like to do that but not with any medical team”. I have a systemic aversion to blood and guts. Building and fixing stuff is my thing. I thought no more about it other than how proud I was of her for giving of her time and money to help someone else. Was this my daughter? And I went on with my self-centered life. The next day I received a phone call. “Dad you can go” she says. You have been asked to go because there is lots of stuff to fix. Now here is my dilemma. I never volunteer for anything, but…the thought of Judgment Day and a voice in my head said, “I asked you to do something for me and you said…NO.” I stammered, “OK…when do we leave.”
Now my concerns mount. I don’t speak the language. What will I fix? What tools do I need? What parts will be available? Will I get sick? And, who are these strangers I’m going with?

Packing
Not wanting to take my expensive name brand tools I opted to purchase new ones from my favorite disposable tool store, “Puerto Flete” (Harbor Freight). Amazingly, everything I needed was “on sale”. That had to be a sign. Stopping at Goodwill I bought twenty five pounds of children’s clothes to bring me up to the maximum weight limit. Throwing in three of my best old work shirts, a tooth brush, a never-been-used “Diccionario” I latched my bag. I struggle to lift another huge duffle bag of some kind of medical supplies, dust off my passport and I’m off.

The Ride
A two and half hour plane ride later we touch down in Guatemala City. Then after a test of our patience we board the bus to Patzun, approximately 45 miles west. This takes two hours even with a bus driver who’s obviously in training for the “Indy 500”. Walt Disney could not have come up with a ride to equal this one. With both hands grasping the seat in front and heart in throat, I catch glimpses of the beautiful mountain countryside patchworked with hand cultivated fields of corn, broccoli and other vegetables nestled in every available spot with less than a 45 degree slope.

Arrival
Arriving at the orphanage/clinic we encounter a small crowd of people patiently waiting for surgery which is scheduled for the following day. Dressed in a brown habit, the nun in charge, Madre Reyna, welcomes us with a warm greeting and a smile that does not need to be translated into English.


Setting Up
We immediately unpack the medical gear and start setting up. Before I can even ask what needs to be fixed I am summoned to the O.R. to rig up a Lap-chole???? camera and monitor. Fortunately I have “duct tape”---the universal repair/assembly tool of choice. After securing the monitor with a generous amount of D.T., I hook up the lines for the oxygen, nitrogen and carbon dioxide and check for leaks. This is followed by a plethora of other small seemingly “no-brainer” jobs.


Our Quarters
I can say with a certain degree of confidence that Frank Lloyd Wright was not the architect on this project. The rooms are unheated. The walls, ceiling and floor are not insulated. The inside temperature was exactly the same as the outside: highs 70, lows 49 degrees F. The shower is reported to not have hot water. Hot showers are at the top of the nurses’ list of items to be fixed. The shower has only one unmarked valve which delivers cold water, very cold water. But there is a small “on demand” gas water heater across the room that is plumbed to nowhere. After unlocking the secret of lighting the pilot, I simply connect a garden hose to the heater and duct tape the other end of the hose to the existing cold water shower head. The news of hot showers excited the entire team.

The Next Day
Inspect hospital beds and determine problems. The drive coupling between the electric motor and the jack screw that raises and lowers the bed is broken beyond repair. Madra Reyna, a “git-er done” kinda woman, takes my drawing of the part and my explanation (in sort of a pig-Latin Spanish) and indicates she knows who to call in Guatemala City. If they have it…my favorite driver will be going to town at noon and I can ride with him. To my surprise she locates the part. Uncertain of the cost she gives me 1500 Quetzals with instructions “we speak later” I know what that means; no bar hopping with the change. I have no idea how much Q1500 is. It seems like monopoly money. Off I go with a stern warning from the nurses “do not eat anything along the way”. Oh Good! We are not going in the “big” bus that all 14 of us came in, it is a little Mitsubishi van probably designed to hold 7 passengers…that makes good sense. As we leave I notice this is not way we came. We go to the other side of Patzun, stop at a typical walled-in-building with locked gate. Polo, the driver, gets down and knocks on the big steel doors and out comes an attractive woman dressed in traditional village garb and a smile that would warm the coldest heart. She says something and motions us to come in. She ushers us into the kitchen, sits us down and serves us a bowl of soup, something wrapped in a leaf and a Pepsi. My soup contained the only piece of meat I can see. Clearly I am being given preferential treatment. With the warning “do not eat anything” fresh on my mine, I think, there is no way I am going to refuse this kind of hostility regardless of the consequences. Lunch finished, I notice lots of people all dressed in their Sunday best. How thoughtful of them to see us off. Wait a minute, they are all getting in the van and as the 18th person climbs in, the little van squats on it axles. Then, Polo and I squeeze in. No need for seat belts or holding on this time. After a two hour ride back to Guatemala City, we drop off the passengers and proceed to zig-zag across the city hopefully toward our destination. I struggle to maintain some sense of direction, strain to find street signs or any markings to help keep my bearings. It is then I notice we are at the corner of “Una Via” and “Una Via”. As a matter of fact every street is named “Una Via”. That is when I knew we had to be lost. Fortunately the traffic was only going “one way” and before long we arrived at a gated and locked entrance. Polo has to announce our arrival and an attendant finally comes to let us in. We climb the stairs and enter an office like you would see in an old black and white movie. It’s staffed by one lone girl to whom I desperately try to explain what I need with seemingly little success. After a frustrating few minutes she hands me a bag which has been sitting on her desk throughout the entire episode. In it is exactly what I need. At least she is polite enough not to laugh out loud. Actually she is apologetic as she hands me the bill. 693.00 Quetzals for the two little plastic parts. Unshaken by the amount, I pay the bill with the “monopoly money” I was entrusted with and we depart. It’s only later I learn the correct exchange rate and determine than I have spent about 100 dollars for a couple of plastic parts. Wow! Hospital beds are kinda like airplanes when it comes to repair parts. We returned to pick up our passengers, and after a lengthy delay we all started back to Patzun. Now I feel as if I have experienced how real Guatemalans travel.


The 3rd day
Now the beds I need to work on all have recovering patients in them …so I turn my attention to the TV in the children’s dining room mounted high on a bracket along with the VCR and DVD player. After some sign language…actually it’s more like that game where it’s a book, a movie, or what ever…the children all shout “escalera” and a ladder appears. Climbing up I connect all the wiring for the peripheral equipment to the tube and pop in a Spanish copy of “ANTZ”. A cheer rises from the crowd in the room as all eyes stare at the screen. The little faces shine with delight…it’s an image words can’t describe and a feeling that warms me to the core.

The next project is installing a new antenna. We start by searching for a mast, cannibalizing a rusty leg from an old swing set and attaching the new “mast” to the old one. It’s sort of a Huck Finn/Rube Goldberg arrangement of wire, duck tape and swing set parts, perhaps more abstract art than engineering. Truly, necessity is the mother of invention. After some trying moments, I am able to cobble together one contiguous piece of coaxial cable…attach one end to the TV and the other end to the abstract art. Now for the moment of truth. Power on, remote in hand but still no signal available from the antenna. What could be wrong? I push every button on the TV and the remote; I exhaust every ounce of my engineering knowledge and all my years of technical experience with no success. Just then Dr. Juan appears, presses one button on the remote and instantaneously the screen comes to life. In my amazement I blurt out, “How did you do that?” “I’m a doctor”, says he. These things require a superior mind, he inferred. “Yeah! a doctor or a nine year old" I retort. And in his characteristic good humor replies, “There’s not much difference between a doctor and a nine year old”. Touché! When you are right you are right.




And so it goes; there are just too many sights, experiences and impressions to put on paper.

All the children were clean and dressed in serviceable clothes. Their admiring little faces had such happy smiles. They played with simple toys; kites (a bit of string tied to a plastic bag) sticks and old leaves. They used their imagination. Something I fear may be lost to a generation of kids who grow up with video games that leave nothing to the imagination.

The Guatemalan people are naturally beautiful, unmarked by tattoos and body piercings.
There was an obvious absence of obese people and their faces showed character…probably from years of working in the fields.

The sight of a woman in traditional dress, a bundle of fire wood balanced on her head, walking along the roadside talking on a cell phone brought the realization that there was a strange mix of the old and the new.

Alas! It’s was time to go home. I put on my ruby red slippers, clicked my heels together three times and said, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home, there’s…”

The strangers I went with and the friends I came home with:
Dr. Vincente Juan
Dr. Peter Rojas
Alba Taft
Teresa Moreno
Nadia Vargas
Eve Duhart
Linda Consuelo
Jamie Jeansonne
Sandy Ruddick
Norma Martinez
Corina Flores
Ruby Rodriguez

Home again where the streets are sooo…. wide, traffic goes both ways, and all the streets have their own name.

Thank you Lord Jesus, for blessing me so, and for letting me live in a county where I have no fear of drinking from the garden hose.

10/31/2007

for 2nd trip see "Return to Patzun" blog

What Changed?

I’ve noticed, as of late, at least it seems like…everyone is so nice to me. I remember when that wasn’t the case. Everybody used to treat me like a jerk. I wonder what changed. Could people have treated me the way I treated them? Could that possibly be? Is it just a reflection of the way I act toward them? Is it a reflection of what I think of them? Maybe I’ve changed. Wow! This comes as a total shock, a revelation, an epiphany. That is such a simple principle. Why did it take me so long to figure that out?

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for your example.
Help me, Lord Jesus, to act more and more like you.
Help me, Lord Jesus, to become more and more like you.

Amen



10/11/2007

My Wife

My wife has charisma. Her beauty is not just skin deep. It comes from within, deep within her soul. I was always a little jealous of how people were attracted to her. I think it is her true interest in other people that makes her so attractive. Maybe it’s genetic or hereditary. Her mother is just like that. She has never met a stranger. It’s that genuine warmth and caring for others that attracts. Like a fly to honey or a moth to the light...I dream of being like that.

It must have been cool to live in Jesus’ time. He attracted people that way. He had charisma. I would have liked to have lived back then and gotten to know Jesus.

Wait a minute! I do live in Jesus’ time…for He is for all times…in the beginning, now and forever.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for being the source of all beauty.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for showing me the light.
Please, Lord Jesus, make me like a moth that I might be attracted to Your light.

Amen.

P.S. Thanks for my wife too.


10/12/2007

The Perfect Life

At my age I have finally become comfortable with who I am or more so...who I'm not... and with my not so perfect body. It fits me like an old shoe…doesn’t look so good but it fits good. I used to be an anal retentive tight ass. Nothing short of perfection made me happy. Things had to be my way. I think they call it O.C.D. now days. I wanted to live in the perfect world with the perfect wife and perfect children. I wanted to have the perfect house, perfect yard and drive the perfect car.

But things are not like that…it took me a lifetime to figure that out....I never was too bright. Now I am happy with the not so perfect wife and not so perfect life.


I do look forward to that perfect life. I know it is not going to be in this world…it’ll be in the next.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for showing me the perfect life.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for leaving me “the book” of instruction on how to obtain it.
Please, Lord Jesus, help me keep on the straight and narrow so I may enjoy it with you.

Amen.

10/12/2007

PRAYING

I don’t like to pray; besides…I’m not any good at that. And it takes up to much of my time. I’ve got other stuff to worry about. What am I going to do at work today? Where am I going to do lunch? I wonder how I can get out of mowing the grass. What’s on TV tonight? Should I order that “Girls Gone Wild” tape? I just don’t have time to pray and I can’t multi task with my one track mind.

But…I know I need to pray.

When I am not praying I find my imagination wondering the dark halls of iniquity and vice.

I need to pray unceasingly. According to St. Paul in his 1st letter to the Thessalonians (5:17) he said “pray without ceasing”.

If I fill my head with prayer there is no room for that other stuff.


Thank you, Lord Jesus, for my one track mind.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for Paul’s challenge.
Please, Lord Jesus, help me to “pray without ceasing”.

Amen.

10/14/2007

Have It Your Way

“Have it your way”. That’s not even true at Burger King. Just try to get a mustard whopper without onions or with extra pickles or no lettuce. It’s not happening.
Don’t change up their plan. It’s better to get a BK Value Meal…just like on the menu. And don’t be too fussy about that being right. I understand that in many places there is no Burger King, no hamburger, and no sesame seed bun…just hunger and poverty; and here I am complaining about the fact that they put the cheese on the wrong side of the burger.

I’ve given up on having it my way.

Besides, my way is not necessarily the best way.

I think the world is just trying to suck me into some Godless vacuum.
Trying to tell me I can be my own god and have everything my way.

While that sounds great, it’s just not true.

Life is such a paradox.

I’ve decided I’m better off, at least in the long run, not “having it my way” but having it God’s way.
Someone told me humility is not thinking less of yourself, but thinking less about yourself; or to put it another way…thinking more of others.


Thank you Lord for all my many blessing
Please Lord help me put others needs ahead of mine.
Please, Lord Jesus, help me to understand the benefits of “having it Your way”.



Amen

10/17/2007

Pagan?

In the wee hours of the morning I sit in the last pew trying to hold back the tears of gratitude. I can’t help but think that it is only by Your grace I am here. Here in this church thanking You for letting me be born into a Christian family. Thanking You for parents that drug me to church (against my will) and for giving me a good wife who never allows me to stray very far from the straight and narrow. I think of the all this and the young man who died last week. I was told, after the fact, he was a pagan…a real practicing pagan. How naive I am to think that pagans disappeared with the dark ages. I wonder how someone ends up where he did. And I think, how sad to not know what lies beyond the turmoil, pain and suffering of this world. And how depressing to think someone does not know that this world is just a test to see where you will reside for the rest of eternity. How miserable it must be to just flounder with no moral compass, no one to throw out the yellow flag when you get off sides.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for being my north star.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for being my referee
I pray Lord that You guide me to the ultimate destination and that I play the game of life with the fewest possible yellow flags

Amen



11/16/2007

No Turning Back

Well Lord!! Here I am again sitting in the last pew and staring at the brown carpet. I try to disengage my thoughts from all the daily distractions.

As I step on the clutch of my brain and shift into neutral the gears slowly spin down and I stain to concentrate on You Lord and what You have done for me.

While I will never be able to repay the debt, I know I must do my part. I must do as You have instructed. I must follow You.

I struggle to leave behind all the trappings of the netherworld.

While I am sure I would be welcomed back there with open arms I know I have no place there.

So! No turning back for me. I have reached the point of no return.

I know I don’t want to be back there and…I can not accept any back sliding.

I must not be distracted nor turn away from you, Lord.


Please Lord Jesus,

Let Your wisdom be my guide
And keep me safe from my pride
In Your love I must abide
As I’m along for the ride

Amen

11/30/2007

Questionnaires

Religious Preference?
I always check the box marked Catholic or Christian. But is this just a knee jerk reaction or is it what I really am. I lived the first forty two years of my life as a wannabe agnostic…believing more in what the world was teaching. Stuff like; only SOB’s succeed, it’s OK if I think it’s OK, the American dream, and of course free-love, an oxymoron by the way. I had heard about God from the very beginning but I did not want to believe because God had too many rules. I preferred selfishness and self importance…it seemed to make a lot more sense. Besides there was no box marked “Materialistic Bastard”.

But I have changed my thinking. It was not a bolt of lightning knocking me off of my high horse…perhaps more of a mild electric shock that jolted me back to reality. I was not having fun in my parenthetical Pinocchio world with no strings attached. There was nothing but depression, worrying and anxiety. I was trying to be someone I was not nor could ever be. Just at the right time God, the Holy Spirit, or some person of that trio sent a regular guy to plant the seed. “Have you ever accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and Savior” says he. Well! No, not really…I just check the box marked “Catholic”. “Besides they don’t do that, do they?” I thought. “Isn’t that a protestant thing?”

So what have I learned?

1) Thinking out loud is dangerous.
2) Jesus is the answer to every question.
3) I need to know more about the answer.


Catechism of the Catholic Church.
Chapter One
“The desire for God is written in the human heart, because man is created by God and for God; and God never ceases to draw man to himself. Only in God will he find the truth and happiness he never stops searching for.”

Amen

12/7/2007

Cornbread

Sitting in church listening to yet another dry sermon, straining to hear and pay attention, feeling uncomfortable and grumbling to myself about how I am not being fed. Then it hits me. I am being fed. I just like my cornbread with milk. Everything Father says is correct and he is light years ahead of me spiritually and academically. I just like my cornbread with milk; it’s so much easier to swallow. I should be counting my blessings; that I have an ordained priest of any kind to celebrate the mass and minister the sacraments. God has given me all that I need. I just have to get over this “half empty glass” syndrome.

Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me every thing I need.
Thank you Lord Jesus for giving me all the cornbread I can eat.
And, thank you Lord, for Your promise of a land where there will be plenty of milk
and honey.

Amen.



12/20/2007

Bah Humbug!

Christmas! I don’t like the shopping or fighting for parking spaces. I don’t like dealing with all the crowds…not to mention finding and buying some meaningless gift for whomever. And now they are trying to take Christ out of Christmas. Bah Humbug! I feel just like Mr. Scrooge.

Perhaps I need to concentrate on the fact that there is a little Christ in everyone and think more about giving a gift to that Christ hidden inside. Think more about the giving, not the receiving.

I just don’t get into “it” until it’s too late…Christmas Eve. Then I get the warm fuzzies and want to give everybody something, but it’s too late. I need a better plan.

Well! Merry Christmas Everybody! Sorry about the gifts; all the stores were closed.

I pray:
That God blesses you as He has blessed me.
That all your needs are given to you.
That love and peace fill your life.
and
Dear Lord Jesus, please let all my gifts, whether given or received, be in the true spirit of Christmas.

Amen



12/24/2007

Close call

Recently I attended the wedding of my wife’s grandniece. It was a very nice ceremony, which included some deacon who gave a thought provoking sermon using a box of cereal for a prop. He said the name of the cereal was an acronym for the real meaning of marriage. He went on to point out “C” was for Commitment, “H” for Holy, “A” for affection, “R” for respect, “M” for mercy, and “S” for service. Furthermore, “lucky” had nothing to do with marriage.

Afterwards we all sojourned to a country/western dance hall for the reception. Hey! It’s Lubbock. And I, for one, was more comfortable there than at any country club. No sooner than I had finished my fajitas/beans and tortillas, all the married couples were summoned to the dance floor for a dance. Now the master of ceremonies began summarily dismissing couples in reverse order of when they had been married. As the crowd thinned I became acutely aware of the fact that I might be the last one standing. As luck may have it there was another couple that had been married for more that 40 years. So they had to explain “why?”…“why their marriage had lasted so long?” Wow! That was a close call. I could have been in their shoes trying to explain myself. I had not given that question much thought. What was the reason? I could say it was because of me, what a great guy I was …even I knew that wasn’t true. I pondered. What was it? Divorce for some reason never crossed my mind… while murder, on the other hand, was considered several times. If I had only been close enough to get my hands around her throat. So what was the real reason? I have come to believe that it was divine providence. Yes, divine providence is what got us together and kept us together. Our marriage has endured; only by the grace of God and the fact that my wife is a person of moral integrity, a person who kept her promises.

If only Deacon Leroy could have told me what marriage was really about 40 years ago perhaps I could have done a better job. But…I probably wouldn’t have listened anyway.


Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all the undeserved grace.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for Your infinite patience.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for sending me Mary Owen, the wife I need.

Amen.


12/30/2007

Party Time ?

My wife, the reader, told me that we were going to Christmas Eve mass, the children’s mass, the Christmas Eve Pageant extravaganza. So I wrangled my grandson into his “Sunday best” and we marched down to the front seats reserved for readers and such. I knew immediately I was in trouble when the family in front of me was talking and passing a small child from person to person trying to satisfy its need for attention or shower the kid with some undeserved affection. Of course that was not nearly as distracting as the family behind me who let their kid kick the back of my pew during the entire service. Or the man across the isle who irreverently chewed gum non-stop and then there was all that picture taking and the annoying flash bulbs going off. Not to mention all that crying and whining.

Oh! Wait a minute. I guess that would be me.

Forgive me Lord for being so judgmental.
Forgive me Lord for having so little patience.
And
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for allowing me to attend Your birthday party with all the other whinny kids.

Amen.

1/4/2008

What About Growing Up?

Life is all about growing up…physically, mentally and spiritually. Physically you don’t have much say so in the matter. It just happens. You grow taller and fatter and your hair and skin get thinner and thinner. There’s not much you can do about that. Your body just ages like all living things. You’re born, you get old and you die.

But mentally and spiritually you have a say so in how old you want to be. You can choose not to grow up. You can remain an infant or a teenager forever. Think about it. It’s really a choice you make. You can decide to stop growing at any point along the way.

I need to grow up. I want my spiritual hair to turn gray, my spiritual skin to get thin. I need to look to the future…do some long range planning. I’m talking about “Eternity type” long range planning.

What did God make me for anyway …just to get old and die? I think not.



Thank you, Lord, for making me.

Thank you, Lord, for allowing me to grow up.

Please, Lord Jesus, help me to make plans for eternity and help me stick to the plan.

Amen.


1/11/2008

Point Of No Return

I’m in too deep. There is no turning back now. I have reached the point of no return. I’ve learned too much. I realize both in my head and in my heart, intellectually and emotionally, that Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior.

I might have been able to plead ignorance at one point, but now I know that will not work. Ipso-facto…I have tasted from the cup and now I thirst for the living water. I am ready to follow with reckless abandon, throw all caution to the wind, and let my Leader transform me into person He wants me to be.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for allowing me to realize the alternate route will never get me where I want to go.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all the signs that point me in the right direction.

Please, Lord Jesus, keep me on the straight and narrow path that eventually leads to You.

Amen


1/18/2008

Praying With My Pen

It’s hard for me to pray. I never know the prayers. And the impromptu prayers I can never seem to get my thoughts straight in my head much less out of my mouth. So I have to write it down and I rewrite it several times. Then I have to ask my school teacher wife to correct all the terrible spelling and grammar.

Dear Lord Jesus I offer my feeble thoughts scratched out on paper as a token of my appreciation for all You have done for me. Amen.

Yours truly

Your not so faithful servant.
Me
1/18/2008

Thinking Out Loud

I don’t have to do anything? There is nothing I can do to earn God’s love? There is nothing I can do to earn my salvation? It has already been done for me? God loves me unconditionally and Jesus has already secured my salvation. That’s hard to understand and harder to believe. How can this be? All I have to do is to NOT reject His love and NOT reject his salvation gift. This is just too good to be true but apparently it is. So…how can I not love Him? And how can I possibly reject His gift?

But I do…with my words and my actions. The way I treat others and the way I talk to them. Why am I always being so judgmental? I am always pointing my finger at someone else. Thinking…how can they be that way. But what do I know? It seems I am always trying to do God’s job. It’s a good thing I am not God...then thing would really be screwed-up.


Thank you, Lord God, for being my God.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for the gift of salvation.

Please Lord, help me to understand what I don’t have to do to show my appreciation for all that You are and for all You have done for me.

Amen



1/18/2008

Because You Loved Me

“You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn’t speak
You were my eyes when I couldn’t see
You saw the best there was I me
Lifted me up when I couldn’t reach
You gave me faith ‘coz you believed
I’m everything I am
Because you loved me”

As I listen to Celine Dion’s song it becomes evident just how much truth is woven into the words, a painful reminder of who I was… or… who I wasn’t. And it also becomes obvious that though the power of Jesus Christ my pride was crushed and juice of humility squeezed out.

‘You gave me wings and made me fly
Your touched my hand I could touch the shy
I lost my faith, your gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I’m grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe I don’t know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you”

How can I thank you, Lord Jesus, for all You have done?

“For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I’ll be forever thankful Lord
You’re the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You’re the one who saw me through thourgh it all”

How can I show my appreciation for all You have done?
How can I keep You as the center of my life?
For this I pray.
Amen.

1/27/2008

Comfort Zone

As of late I have stopped going to daily mass, stopped riding my bicycle and stopped writing. I just don’t feel like it and can’t seem to get motivated.

Have I allowed myself to slip into a state of spiritual and physical lethargy?

Am I just on a plateau taking a breather and gathering my strength to go on?

Perhaps I need to get out of my comfort zone?

I live in a house that has a water heater for every sink…do I need to make a trip back to the land of cold showers and people dressed in native garb?

I have been asked in a very indirect, roundabout way “if I would like to go to Guatemala again”.

My policy is not to volunteer for anything…but not to say no to anyone’s request for help.

I am tormented with all this emotional waxing and waning about what to do.

Asking me “if I want to” is different than “asking me to”. The “if I want to” does not fit my policy. It seems I do not want to do anything.

I just want to lie here in my comfort zone, living in the lap of lethargy, resting on my spiritual plateau.

But I know …

Too much resting and I will get out of shape. I will not be able to climb any higher. It will weaken me so I will not be able to fight the good fight or finish the race.

Dear Lord, please give me the strength to get back in the fight.
Dear Lord, please give me the courage to finish the race.
And most of all, Lord Jesus, I pray for the wisdom to do Your will, not mine.

Amen


2/16/2008

Beauty

As I strain to concentrate on the priest and words of the liturgy…out of the corner of my eye…the glimpse of a palomino pony tail involuntary draws my attention to a stunning young woman with flawless skin. She is impeccably dressed, standing tall and exhibiting all the magnificence of Our Creator’s handy work. I can’t help but marvel at the beauty and struggle to suppress any primordial urge that’s brought on by my darker side.

I wonder if women have any idea of the power they possess?

What an awesome God I have.

What awesome beauty and splendor He shows me.

Thank you dear Lord for the eyesight to enjoy Your handy work.
Please Lord Jesus, open the eyes of my heart that I might see the beauty in all Your people, not just the ones who wear it on the outside.
Please Lord, help me remember that You are the author and creator of all beauty.


Amen




2/22/2008

Tax Time

I sit here filling out the blank forms trying to make sense of all these numbers and notes. Why didn’t I do a better job of documenting these expenditures? I dread preparing my tax return as much as I dread confession. Could it be that they are basically the same thing? Is it because I need to “fess” up to the truth? Is God going to believe this deduction? I need to stop trying to bend the rules and just fill out “Schedule C” with the correct numbers and let the chips fall where they may. After all…the penance is never that bad.

Thank you, Lord, for this financial insight.
Thank you, Lord, for the fact that there will be no “short form” for me.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for making me understand that there will be a Final Audit.

Amen.



4/15/2008

How Many Times?

As I sit here holding an ice-pack to my throbbing head…lingering somewhere in a state between self-pity and stupidity…I question the purpose of my existence and the meaning of my life. Why is my life so difficult? What’s the reason for my suffering? Why is my job so difficult? Why is my job so dangerous? Am I getting too old to do such a physically demanding job? Why did I not rig the lift chains properly, why did I not have the correct rigging for the job? Why did I not have on my hard hat? How many times do I have to be hit in the head before God gets my attention? The glancing blow of the heavy chain hook could have just as easily struck a fatal blow. All these questions and all this soul searching is so unsettling, troubling and disquieting.

I’m starting to sound like the Israelites at “Massah” and “Meribah” the towns Moses named for their grumbling and complaining.

I must console myself with the belief that life is just a test, just a job interview…and I need to put my best foot forward…if I want to land that perfect permanent everlasting job.

So tomorrow I need to continue on my trip to the Promised Land, don my hard hat and go back to work.


Thank you, Lord, for keeping my attention.
Thank you, Lord, for putting up with my grumbling and complaining.
And please, Lord Jesus, give me the strength and courage to make it thru this job interview.

Amen.



3/5/2008

Good Grief, Good Friday

I had planned to work only a half day, so I left for work early without eating breakfast and worked though lunch trying to finish my assigned tasks. Normally this is no problem but today I find myself in church with my stomach sending messages to my brain that it’s time to over eat. As I think about my cravings to over indulge myself, the words of the prophet Isaiah, written over 700 year before Christ, ring in my ear.

“Yet it was our infirmities that he bore,
Our sufferings that he endured”

“He was pierced for our offenses,
Crushed for our sins”

“By his stripes we were healed”.

Those words spoke to my soul as never before. I had to hold my breath and grit my teeth to suppress the emotions. God forbid anyone should see me with tears running down my face. For some reason I finally understood what Christ had done for me.

John’s gospel speaks of Simon Peter cutting off Malchus’ right ear in the garden and I think of how my ears have been cut off, metaphorically.

Well, I’ve totally forgotten about my stomach. This has been a good Good Friday.


Thank you, Jesus, for fixin’ my ears.
Thank you, Jesus, for all Your suffering.
Please, Lord Jesus, give me the wisdom to know Your will and the strength to carry it out.

Amen

3/21/2008

Old People

Why is church usually filled with mostly old people? “Church must be for old people” I observed at an immature young age. Back then I was traveling a different road. But as the road behind me became statistically longer than the road in front of me….I began to notice signs like “Dead End”. It occurred to me that I might be on the wrong road and I began looking for an alternate path. Maybe I should look for the “Straight and Narrow”, the “Upper Level” or “Exit for Eternity”. Why did it take so long to figure this out?
Perhaps this gray hair isn’t so bad after all.

Well! Gotta go. Don’t want to be late for church. I want to find a good seat that has enough room for my walker.

Thank you, Lord, for Your patience.
Thank you for putting me on the road that leads to You.
Please, Lord Jesus, give me the wisdom to stay on the right road.

Amen.


4/2/2008

Believing Stuff I Don’t Understand

I used to worry about stuff like…how could you feed 5,000 people with just 3 fish and 5 loaves? There must be some logical explanation. Maybe the fish were whales and the bread was the world’s biggest loaf like the one in “Ripply’s--believe it or not”. And what about that “water into wine” thing? Surely there is some chemical explanation for that. And how about Christ’s body and blood being present in the Eucharist? All these questions were very puzzling and perplexing to my tiny scientific mind…until…I figured out that…God was God. He could do anything He wants to do…and I don’t have to understand it.

The one thing I still can’t fathom is why God would send His only begotten Son to become man, then die the most agonizing death on the cross…just for me, just because He loves me.

I guess I will never get my head around that one…but I can get my heart around it. It brings me to tears every time I think about what Jesus went though just to show me the way, the light, the truth.

Thank you, Lord, for all you went through.
Thank you, Lord, for putting up with my unbelief.
Please, Lord Jesus, give me the heart to believe what my head will never understand.

Amen


4/2/2008

Social Graces

“Anti Social? Am not!” was my vehement retort.

I am not anti-social…I am just not social. I’ve got nothing against being social, I am just not social.

I’m not social because I possess none of the skills required to be social. My upbringing had no courses in the social graces. I am a product of my environment.

“You just don’t care” she said. “No I do care” I just can’t remember anyone’s name. My memory is full…I think it filled up in 8th grade. It is full of all those important facts like…Pi equals 3.14167384627891, the capital of Montana is Butte, an equilateral triangle has three equal legs and the first president of the United States was Abraham Lincoln.

I do care about people…besides it’s a requirement. It’s one of the two greatest commandments Jesus taught us. “Love thy neighbor as thy self.”

Now, Jesus didn’t say I had to like everybody nor what they do. Besides people scare me, they ask such personal questions like, “How are you?” I panic and think I have to have an answer. When will I learn all I have to say is, “thank you for asking and how are you?”

Maybe this is a humility thing. Perhaps I need to think less about myself as opposed to thinking less of myself. Yep! It’s usually my pride that gets me in trouble.


Dear Jesus:
Help me swallow my pride,
Help me re-evaluate what is important,
Help me clear my memory of all the useless information,
For this I pray.
Amen


4/12/2008

Bedtime Stories

As my wife crawled into bed she asks me, “Want me to read to you”? “Sure”, I answered. After all I don’t even remember my mother reading to me. “It’s about the Mass”, she says. Well that would not have been my first choice…..but when you are starved for attention you take whatever you can get. As she read, the theology got a little deep. I could feel my eyes slowly rolling to the back of my head as I slipped into a semi-conscious state. I spent many a college lecture in the same state as the professor droned on with an endless stream of unintelligible information.
All this about how the Mass was one sacrifice for all times…not a remembrance or a memorial ceremony, etcetera, etcetera…and how we are really present at the foot of the cross. I just could not get my head around this “back to the future, time continuum” thing. I just hope all this theology will not be on the final exam.
I will say…there are times when Mass is just like being at the foot of the cross especially when I wonder why Jesus would go through all that suffering just for me…that’s something that defies human logic. And communion is like being at the last supper…it blows me away to think about that. But sometimes at Mass I am just like the other apostles…asleep in the garden. Even worse…I’m dipping in the same dish with my Lord and Savior.


Dear Lord, thank you for all you have done for me.
Forgive me for taking so long to get my heart around Your message.
Please, Lord Jesus, help me to pass the final exam.

Amen


5/11/2008

Trying To Quit

I thought I was trying to quit. I thought I had broken my habit. But it was like taking that first puff from that long forgotten cigarette. Apparently the addiction never goes away. Now the feelings and longings have returned…the urge to feed my habit. One drink is not enough. I can’t just eat one potato chip.

After several years of logging less and less flight hours…I thought I was going to quit flying…get rid of my airplane and retire from the flying scene. But maybe that’s not the case.

I was asked to take a vintage airplane cross country to its new home. Wow! What an incredible adventure it turned out to be.

I guess I have to face the facts. I have admitted it. I must say it out loud “I am an aviator.” “I am a recovering aviator.” And I will always be a recovering aviator.

I wonder if there is such a thing as AA (Aviators Anonymous)… maybe I need to get into a 12 step program.



Thank you, Lord Jesus, for a safe flight
Thank you for not testing me with smoke or drink.
Please, Lord, turn my addiction into an activity that will glorify You.

Amen.


5/25/2008

Death Penalty--Capital Punishment

I’m for capital punishment but I am against the death penalty. The death penalty seems so harsh while capital punishment doesn’t sound nearly as bad. Putting people to death worries me because of rule # 5. It says “Thou shalt not kill”.

Now I agree that there are some despicable folks that certainly seem to deserve to be killed. And I’m all for getting them out of circulation. I’m OK with God killing them… as he has done. But that’s God job…not mine. What if God is not done with them? What if he is still working on them…like Jacob? Jacob was a really bad guy, but God got to him and changed his heart. Yep! It took 140 years. But, God did it. So who am I to change God plans? Throughout the bible He wiped out entire nations when He got fed up with their foolishness. But that’s His plan…not mine. I probably would not have cut them so much slack if I had been in charge.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all You have done for me.
Thank you, Lord Jesus; I know I don’t deserve it.
Please, Lord, I pray You give me the wisdom to do Your will not mine.

Amen



5/26/2008

Darwinian Thinking

I’ve always considered myself a creationist, believing that I was created in the image and likeness of God. But as of late I have begun to consider the evolution theory as having some merit. There seems to be a preponderance of evidence that comes down on the side of evolution. For we have most certainly changed due to our environment.

My theory is that we were created in the image and likeness of God, but over time…due to the forces of the world in which we live, we have become knuckle dragging hairless apes with no moral conscious.

So it seems to me that evolution is a valid argument. The evidence is all around us.
Next time you go to the mall just observe the people and the way they dress and act.
Better yet…the halls of congress. I think you will agree.

Too bad Darwin is not here to see this.



Dear God
Thank you for creating me in your image
Thank you for being my moral compass
Please help me to evolve into what You want me to be
For this I pray
Amen


6/5/2008

I Dream

I dream of having perfectly clear thoughts with crystal clear logic and understanding and imagine myself among the great thinkers…guys like Socrates, Aristotle and St Augustine. I feel as though I understand all the mysteries of life and the intricacies and subtleties of the human mind. As I wallow in my smugness and self importance it occurs to me that I’ve never had one clear contiguous thought in my entire life. I’m totally baffled by the world and all the confusion and mayhem. Nothing seems to make any sense. I have no idea why they are fighting and continue to fight in the Middle East. I can make no sense of what our politicians are saying and less out of what they are doing. It’s scary to be the lowest form of life in the intellectual food chain.

Here is something else I don’t understand. Why is it that the only safe place I can find is in Jesus and the promise He makes? He is my only refuge. It defies all logic and clear thinking. Oh! I forgot…I’m not a thinker…I had better go with my heart not my head.

Thank you, Jesus, for being my security blanket.
Thank you, Jesus, for sending the message to my heart instead of my head.
Please Lord; show me how to live in this world without being a part of it.

Amen

6/7/2008

Burnt Offerings

It’s Friday morning. I kneel, I sit, and I stare. I try to just think of You. I even try reading from a book I found in the pew “An Hour with Jesus”. I read about silence and meditation; about thanking You for all my blessings. I try to be still. I try to be quiet. I just want to soak in Your presence. But my mind keeps pulling me back into yesterday. I replay all those little technical problems. How am I going to find the correct wire that’s connected to the correct solenoid valve? Which screw terminal should I assign to which wire so that it will all be logical. In six months when I may have to go back and trouble shoot some problem…most likely a problem I created…will any of it still make good sense? And what about that drooping ceiling inside the walk-in cooler…How large a beam should I use to support it? How should I tie the horizontal members to the vertical support? What’s the answer to all these questions? Why is my head spinning with all this nonsense when I am here to pray and worship You? Some times my prayers seem little more than some worthless burnt offerings. I do realize You are the One who keeps my life from spinning out of control.

Thank you, Lord, for this special hour together.
Forgive me for my lack of attention to You.
For You, Lord Jesus, are the answer to all my problems both big and small.
In the name of the Father and the Son and the Holy Spirit
Amen.


6/13/2008

Taking Notes

I took paper and pencil to church hoping that God might tell me something; something important. I wanted to be prepared. I didn’t get anything worth writing down so I struggled through a few prayers and made a feeble attempt to say the rosary. I either said too many or not enough Hail Marys. I tried to concentrate on the mysteries but as I mused…my mind wandered and wondered. Why don’t they offer those cool prizes in the cereal boxes any more? When I was a kid you could send in like eight million box tops and get some cool prizes. Why is it so hard to stay on task? Why is it such an enormous effort? I didn’t really feel like getting up at 4 am this morning to come to adoration so am I wasting my time or do I get extra credit because I showed up? Maybe I just need to be still and listen to the silence. I need to stop all this flummery, stop taking notes, stop interrupting God and give in. Give in to God’s will. For this I pray.

Amen


6/20/2008

Just Minding My Own Business

As I sat in the pew listening to the readings and just minding my own business, I was feeling quit good about myself perhaps even a little smug and self-righteous. Then came some of the last lines from Matthew’s chapter 10 “everyone who acknowledges me before others I will acknowledge before my heavenly Father. But whoever denies me before others, I will deny before my heavenly Father”. For some reason those words struck me and stuck to me like some catchy tune I just could not get out of my head. I thought of the many times that I felt self-conscious making the sign of the cross when eating out in public. Oh! Sure! Making the sign of the cross in church was never a problem but to bless myself in public makes me uncomfortable. It was like the cock crowed for the third time. Well! I’ve got to make some changes uncomfortable or not…I have to acknowledge Jesus. If I don’t, being ill at ease is going to be the least of my problems.

Thank you, Jesus, for your very poignant words.
Please, Heavenly Father send the Holy Spirit to give me courage.
Amen.



6/24/2008

Moaning and Groaning

With every step I take the pain from my foot overwhelms me I didn’t remember injuring myself. Surely it should have gotten better after a couple of weeks. But no, it persists and seems to have gotten worse with each passing day. I grumble and complain, I moan and groan and think “why me?” Why is this scourge heaped on top of having to work in the unbearable summer heat? How long can I take this? Then it occurs to me, “How did He do it”? How did He drag that heavy cross up the hill then hang there for 3 hour in the hot sun never complaining, not once. And I’m sure that there was no one there with any encouragement. No one there to pat Him on the back, say “good job” or “at-a-boy”. No…to the contrary…they only made fun of Him.
Perhaps I need to rethink this, suck it up, offer it up; maybe cover it up with a smile. After all, at 5 o’clock I am going home, take a cool refreshing shower, put on my PJ’s, crawl in to my king size bed with clean sheets and fall asleep under the droning of a new ceiling fan.


Thank you, Lord, for the daily reminders for you sacrifice.
Forgive me, Lord, for all the grumbling.
Please, Lord Jesus, give me the wisdom to see suffering for its paradoxical benefits.

Amen


7/18/2008

Do I Haf Ta?

It seams I have a difficult time making decisions or commitments. I was asked if I would like to go back to Guatemala with the medical team again. Torn between looking like the self-centered selfish fool that I am and the knight in shinning armor I want others to think I am…I wrestled with the dilemma. I did not really want to go. I would rather lie on the couch poisoning my body with junk food and my soul with the junk on TV.

Perhaps it was my upbringing that contributed to my inability to make good decisions. My parents always made me do what was best. They made me eat my vegetables, go to church, do my homework and keep my room clean. Now my wife does the same. I never developed a knack for making good decisions because I have never had to. Someone else has always told me what to do and I like it that way. I tend to gravitate toward the lazy side when left on my own.

So I struggled with the question “would you LIKE to go?” I tried every excuse. It’s my busy schedule, I can’t afford the expense, I might get sick, and I can’t speak the language. I could not come up with one valid excuse. At least not one that would hold up in count come “judgment day”.

I’d better go out to the garage and find that duffle bag, dust off my passport and pray that this decision will please the one to whom I owe all my many blessings to.

Amen.


8/9/2008

Musing

I shivered as I sat on my mother-in-laws front porch in the cool Lubbock morning air. Spellbound, I watched a line of dark rain clouds slowly retreat to the southeast followed by a high gray overcast that obscured the sunlight. It gave the feeling of a winter's day even though it was the middle of August. The fresh smell of rain-washed lawns and trees, the sound of tires rolling on pavement several blocks away and the sight of birds dipping their beaks in the puddles of rain water filled up my senses. The chill of the brisk breeze forced me to don a long sleeve shirt, shoes and socks. But I refused to go inside as the minor discomfort could not diminish the magic of the moment which I wanted to savor and enjoy as long as possible. Finally the smell of bacon cooking broke the spell and lured me inside. Like they say, "It don't get any better than this!" Thank you, Lord Jesus, for these special moments only you have the power to create. Amen

8/16/2008

Attention Deer Hunters

I shot my first deer today. It was exciting. I know it’s not deer season but I could not help it…the opportunity presented itself and I just could not resist. It was quite unexpected. I did not have to stalk my prey crawling though underbrush, rub that canned deer scent all over me or even wear that “camo” uniform with matching cap. I was just driving along and rounded the bend and there they were…Bambi and his mother. With lightning fast reactions I drew my blackberry from its holster, lined up my sights and squeezed off a couple of shots. Yep! I stopped ‘em dead in their tracks. What a trophy I had…right there on my 10 mega pixel display screen. As I opened the door to my truck to get closer, the little fawn with its white spots and his mom both meandered off into the brush totally unconcerned with my presence. I sensed they knew I was not a real hunter…either that or their internal clock knew it was not deer season.


Thank you, Lord Jesus, for these moments of excitement and the pictures to share with my grandchildren.

Amen


8/20/2008

But I Guess You Knew That

Hi God! Good Morning! It’s Friday Aug 29 year of Our Lord 2008. But I guess You knew that. Sorry about the past week as I have not given You much time or thought. I didn’t even mention Your name in vain when I smashed my head on that low hanging rafter at the “deer hospital” where I spent the majority of my time working on a lighting system. I was asked to install a light signal system to aid the herding of the unwilling deer into stalls so the deer wranglers could administer medications and such. It seems the deer are drawn to light. Obviously this is all done at night. So I had to install lights and switches to turn different light on and off in order to sequence the flow of deer in the proper order. Selecting just the right hardware was a challenge. I discover they don’t sell “deer signal light systems” at Home Depot. My first thought was to use two lights mounted side by side with a windshield mounted above them, I understand that’s a real deer magnet. But, I abandoned that idea for a simpler design. Anyway it all got done and I am anxious to hear how it all works. So thank You for watching over me this past week and again I apologize for ignoring You. But I guess You knew that.

Dear Lord Jesus, please help me to remember who is most important in my life.
Amen


Yours Truly


Gene Jeansonne

The Little Red Needle

As I struggled to climb onto the bathroom scales, I sucked in my gut and stood as tall as I could hoping to fool the device that indicates the force exerted on a body by the pull of gravity. I squinted thru one eye as if to mitigate the judgment measured out by the little red needle. But it pointed directly toward “OBESE”. I was horrified, disappointed and incensed. How could this be? It’s not fair. It’s not my fault. Wait a minute how many double filled Oreo cookies did I eat? How much Chunky Monkey ice cream did I eat? How many times did I have seconds or was it thirds? Maybe this is an impartial and totally fair judgment. I’ve really not taken very good care of my body.

Hummmmm!!!!! I wonder if this is how it’s going to be on Judgment Day, totally impartial and fair. I’ve really not taken very good care of my soul either.

Dear Lord Jesus, please help me change from who I am to who You want me to be.

Amen.




8/29/2008

My Heroes

“I grew up a-dreamin’ of bein’ a cowboy,
And lovin’ the cowboy ways.
Pursuin’ the life of my high-ridin’ heroes,
I burned up my childhood days.”

But my heroes have not always been cowboys. I am drawn to the story tellers and humorists like Baxter Black, Garrison Keeler, Ron Owen and Andy Rooney. These people who can paint a picture with their words and double you over with their wit…they are who I really look up to. Their stories with an element of truth smothered in poetic license and mixed with sarcasm appeal to me and attract me like a bee to honey. I could listen to them for hours on end. Unlike our revered celebrities and sports heroes, that I find listening to extremely painful. Maybe they only qualify for an interview if they have a room temperature IQ…or less. No wonder our country is in the mess it’s in…if our children hold these people up as there heroes.


“Sadly, in search of, but one step in back of,
Themselves and their slow–movin’ dreams”



Dear Lord, help us all get a grip on reality.
Amen



8/30/2008

The Brain

The brain is an amazing creation. It’s like a high speed processor that can perform amazing feats of logic and reasoning at the speed of light. My brain is more like a food processor…perfectly clear and recognizable thought go in… but all that comes out is a puree of undistinguishable unintelligible mush. Hummm!…That seems to fly in the face of the “garbage in, garbage out” theory. Oh Well…apparently not everybody is blessed in the same way. My blessings are more in the area of working with my hands. I never was big on thinking but I could always fix stuff and that computes for me.

So! Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all Your amazing creations and especially for my blessings.
Amen


9/4/2008

Train Wreck

Our civilization seems to be headed for an inevitable unavoidable train wreck and there will be no stopping it. Moreover, our country seems to be the lead locomotive, smoke bellowing from its stack as it picks up speed under full throttle.

Christ came into this world to tell us to get off the train; He did not come to stop the train or the train wreck. Stopping the train some how ties into that free-will thing…which I believe was a big mistake. (If I was God…I wouldn’t have given anybody a choice.) Oh! Well! That’s another story.

So…I have to decide what to do. Do I want to stay on the train in my comfortable club car seat sipping my matinee and enjoying the scenery as the train heads for the bright lights of the big city....or do I jump? I need to jump. The sooner I get off the better. I need to take that leap of faith before the train picks up any more speed and it become impossible to get off.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for showing me how to jump from the train of empty promises.
Thank you, Lord, for giving me the wisdom to jump.
Please Lord, protect me as I pounce and roll down the incline of life.
Amen



9/7/2008

The IKE Thing

Good morning Lord, how are you today? I had reservations about coming to see you this morning. When the alarm went off at 4:30am my bed was sinfully comfortable. But somehow I managed to get dressed and after pedaling my bicycle the almost three miles to church in the cool crisp morning air…my heart started pumping and my head cleared. It was a most enjoyable ride under a stunning starry sky on a black backdrop. A wisp of high cirrus clouds backlit by a waning moon brushed the heavens and gave the most incredible effect.

Sorry I missed visiting with you last week but as you know they canceled adoration because of the “IKE” thing. IKE invoked all that preparation for his arrival and then afterward all that un-preparation. The un-preparation was as bad as the preparation, less the anxiety, of course. Anyway thanks for letting us off the hook here in Victoria. I should not complain. It was much better than having to clear fallen trees, repair damaged roofs and mop up flood waters.

Now that the “refugees” have gone back to Houston it is too quiet at home and I rather miss all the excitement. I had forgotten how much energy is required to watch three small children…and I only watched. By the way, thanks for watching over my son and his family who only had some minor damage and the inconvenience of no electricity for a few days.

Perhaps a good scare is what I need once in a while. It reminds me of what is really important and allows me to reevaluate what I am really supposed to be doing. So thanks for showing me who is in charge of this tiny rock in a galaxy of stars that I get to enjoy as I pedale through life.

Thanks again Lord, have a great day; I am looking forward to our next visit.
Amen.



Friday 19 Sept 2008

Pastoral Institute

As I sit in the cathedral’s rotunda straining to make out the echoed voice of the lecturer telling us that God chose ordinary people to carry out His plans…I question what it is that I have learned. Who was Abraham? Why did all those maidservants get involved? I cannot remember who it was that begot who that begot who. I am confused about the time line and all the goings and comings from Egypt, Babylon and the Promised Land. Who had the coat of many colors? Who took Joseph out of the well? My obsessive compulsive nature is uneasy with all this confusion. I cower in my seat when the class is quizzed…hoping not to be noticed. I wonder if this is what it’s going to be like on judgment day. I suspect there won’t be any multiple choice questions on that test. Hopefully God will be questioning what is in my heart and not what is in my head. At any rate that “final exam” is going to be difficult enough for me.

Even with all this uncertainty here is one thing I do know and it is perfectly clear. My God is the God of Jacob, the God who let me wander in the desert to forty two years doing what I wanted to do. He is the God who never abandoned me while I proved to myself that breaking God’s rules leads to spiritual chaos. He is the God who welcomed me back with open arms upon my return from a selfish and not so saintly life.

Thank you, Father God, for creating me so ordinary.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for blessing me with so many ordinary miracles.
Please Lord God sent the Holy Spirit to give me the strength that I might carry out your plan in my ordinary life.

Amen
10/8/2008

Hablo Ingles?

I purchased “Spanish in 3 Months”, an item that I stumbled across on the bargain rack at the book store for $7.99. Well! $7.99 should have been a clue. Anyway, it’s been three months and I have not done so well. I have learned that there are more than twenty-six letters in the Spanish alphabet. Actually they just put two letters together to make something else or put a squiggly line over a letter to make it sound different. I can’t seem to figure out the gender of some nouns. That should be no surprise…I have the same trouble with some people. After listening to the CDs over and over I have yet to be able to carry on any intelligent conversation…not even with single word sentences. Unfortunately, I have noticed my English has developed an annoying lisp that shows up in the words that have the letter “Z” in them. For example, “I went to the THoo to see the THebra.” Even worse are the words that have “SH”. They now sound like “CH” words. Cases in point…the other day as I accompanied my wife to the mall I heard myself say. “I Chould have taken a Chit before I went Chopping.” All this is very unsettling and discouraging but I must keep in mind that I have been blessed with many talents. Language is just not one of them.

So I have resolved to count my many blessings and work harder on my short comings.
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for all you have given me. Please, Lord, give me the grace to share what I have and be content with what I have not. Amen


10/11/2008

The Whims of Change

For weeks I have been trying to sort out my thoughts and feelings about the current economic and political situation. I worried about a candidate being elected whose record clearly showed he had a blatant disregard for the dignity of life. I worried about my meager 401K which has shriveled up like a dried prune. I worried about work and whether or not I would have a job tomorrow. But then I thought…perhaps my prosperity had over inflated my idea of self reliance. The “I can do it all by myself” syndrome. This misconception of “do it myself” has backfired on me in the past. I now realize that God has always taken care of me… even when I had little regard for his ways and commandments. So why should I worry now? Because I want my plan to work? Well! That may not be…and probably is not…God’s plan. What I have to do is keep my eyes on Jesus. He will take care of the worrying. His plan may be to change the new president elects thinking. He changed Jacob’s thinking…it did take 140 years but He did it. God’s plan is much better than my 401 K plan. And maybe He has a better job for me than the one I have now…I am always complaining about it anyway. It’s all going to be OK. It is comforting to know that God’s policies don’t change with the whims of the economic or political situations.

Thank you, Lord Jesus, for taking the time out of your busy schedule to come down here, die on the cross and show me the way to a better life with real security.

Amen.


11/7/2008

A Pound of Flesh

Last week my wife went to the doctor for an insignificant, unnoticeably miniscule bump on her face and fifteen stitches later returned with a very noticeable incision on her right cheek. Needless to say she was upset and mentally unprepared for this turn of events. I suppose I can sympathize, but for me a nice scar on the face adds character. In my opinion it presents the opportunity to fabricate any number of fascinating stories as to how it came about. But apparently she does not share my take on the matter. Perhaps I should be a little more concerned for her point of view. I have to admit…sitting here waiting my turn in the doctors office…I have a bit of anxiety as to how much flesh will be exacted of me when they have already stamped the “C” word on my biopsy report.


Please, Lord, help me handle this situation with some degree of calm and grace. And please give me a little more compassion for others.
Amen



11/14/2008

Luncheon Topics

The other day while having lunch with my other friend…we got off on the subject of suffering. He explained that he never could understand the reason for suffering until he had this epiphany:

“For me when I was suffering I took it as something to be avoided; so, I compensated by eating anything that wouldn't eat me back.

Once it got through my brain that "everybody" suffers and that Jesus, Mary, Peter, Paul, Timothy, Luke, John, Bartholomew, (everybody) suffered; I decided that suffering wasn't to be avoided; but tolerated.

This connection made it easier for me to quit covering up my suffering by eating and therefore I felt better physically, mentally…and I didn't have to diet.

In other words overeating for me was compensating for suffering which can't be avoided.”

Most of us try to avoid or minimize suffering by using some form of distraction; drugs, food, sex …whatever. I had to agree whole heartedly. I find myself in front of the refrigerator during times of stress. From an academic or purely theoretical standpoint I have understood about suffering for a long time. Jesus came to suffer and show us the way to do it. My problem is in the follow-through. When my feet hurt after a long day or my bad knee acts up I tend to grumble, whine or pule, “Why me?”…then I reach for the bag of jelly-beans hidden in my truck. I need to work on the grin and bear it, suck it up and smile part. I suspect suffering without smiling gains me no points. So I need to learn how to offer it up with a smile.

Dear Lord Jesus, please give me the strength and courage to put a smile on my face and keep my hand out of the jelly-beans when suffering comes my way. Thank you for a friend to have lunch with. And, Lord, thanks for listening and have a nice day.

Amen.



11/22/2008

Thanksgiving Holidays

Tomorrow it’s back to work. I’m kind of glad to return to the routine without all the company, all the grandchildren, all the food and required eating. The children are most interesting or perhaps it’s the number of the children. When you put that many together and the number reaches that critical mass or that tipping point…then the amount of energy generated or the amount of energy required to control the situation is no longer linear but becomes asymptotic.

My wife’s approach is to constantly announce warnings such as: “Stop that…you’ll put your eye out”! “Don’t talk with your mouth full…you’ll choke”! And “Get down from there…you’ll break your neck”!

My theory is more of a “Laissez-faire” approach. The logic being that the pain resulting from the reckless action will be a far better teacher than some meaningless preemptive warning from some adult who is “no fun”. I have come to this conclusion by simply looking back down the road I have traveled which represents many years of not listening, many years of trial and error.

I have the same feelings about the “Bail-out”…let them suffer. But I am told that approach will not work and that we will have to bail them out. I don’t agree but when it comes down to it I will not have a choice.

Dear Lord Jesus, give me the wisdom to recognize Your warnings and the strength to act upon them. Amen


Hey! You kids get out of the street! You’ll get run over!




11/30/2008

Turkey Hangover?

I opened my eyes and dragged myself from the bed. I’m not sure if it’s a “turkey hangover” or a case of spiritual lethargy. I can’t seem to shake this stupor. I force myself to get on my bicycle and pedal down to Mass. I feel like I am stuck in some spiritual black hole and I am just going through the motions and not really getting any where. I want that “tinglely” feeling or that awesome warm feeling of Gods existence in my life. I know he is there because I have decided to believe he is there. But I like it when I can really feel his company. It seems when times are good and I have no crisis going on…I don’t feel Gods presence. It’s only when I am in trouble, or when the situation is beyond my control. That is when I really rely on God to get me through it. And this is when I really feel his charisma, his healing grace being poured over me. Why is that? Maybe that is the way it’s supposed to be. It must have something to do with that suffering thing. Maybe suffering brings me closer to God. Maybe that is why the big time saints wore sack cloths. Personally I’m OK wearing “Fruit of the Loom” and I am too much of a spiritual wimp to go with the self denial thing. Maybe the spiritual sluggishness is a product of prosperity.


Dear Lord, should I reconsider the self-denial thing?
Thank you, Lord Jesus, for always bailing me out of my problems.
Please forgive me for my indolence and give me the wisdom to stay away from spiritual laziness.

Amen




12/2/2008

Back to Work

Good morning Jesus

You know…it’s good to be back on a schedule after a couple of weeks of holidays and craziness. It seems I had too much free time to perseverate on my problem or more correctly perceived troubles. Things like worrying about my weight as I crunched another holiday cookie. And distressing about all the projects I need to do, chores like cleaning out the garage, painting the house, trimming the trees…yes, worrying as I sat on the couch mindlessly flipping channels.

Well…it’s back to work, back to daily mass twice a week, back to Friday morning adoration. This is best. This is when I don’t have time to think…think about me and what I didn’t do or what I don’t have. Now I can focus on my blessings, my many blessings.

Thank you Lord Jesus, for each and every one of Your gifts.
Please help me remember to follow in Your foot steps.
And please give me the strength to put one foot in front of the other.

Amen


5 am Friday Jan 9, 2009

If I Were God

I had to stop and think for a minute.

If I was god, if the shoe was on the other foot…so to speak…would I really agree with my point of view? Or would I just laugh at such half baked ideas? These inane arguments I put forth that struggle to make things the way I want them to be…would I really believe them, could I really believe them, should I really believe them?

I suppose…that some place in my heart, deep down in the bowels of my soul; I really know I am just trying to prove to myself…convince myself…that this is what God wants when it isn’t.

After all…God only wants what is really best for me.

I find myself embroiled in these squabbles everyday. I spend a tremendous amount of time and energy on legalistic maneuvering. But, I have learned from experience it is best not to win these arguments.

It is better…after all the kicking and screaming…to pick myself up off the floor, go to my room and cool off. Then do what my Father wants me to do.

Thank you Father God for being the father I need.
Amen.



Gene Jeansonne
2/15/2009

I Do ?

Marriage is saying "I do"…EVERYDAY ...and some days I don't. What was I thinking the day I said those two little words? I didn't have a clue…not about the real meaning of matrimony. Looking back I can see what a warped and distorted idea I had of that arrangement. I was far too selfish and self centered to be married. Love, honor and obey were just words. It was just a formality...a formality I went through in order to legalize and make socially acceptable the unleashing of pent up hormones.

But that was a long time ago. Through the grace of God with his enduring patience and a loving wife I have come to understand the real meaning of the nuptial vows. Thank you Lord Jesus, for all you have given me, especially the wife who has pointed me in the right direction ...toward You.

Amen.



11/4/2008

R. I. P.

As I meandered back to my car though the monuments after a graveside service for a friend’s mother I noticed the words carved on the headstones. The words read: devoted wife and mother, loving father, or beloved husband. Some markers just had names and dates. Who were all these people? What did they do while they were here on this planet? What did they leave behind? I couldn’t help but think of my headstone and what I would like to have on it. How about “HE DID WHAT WAS ASKED OF HIM AND NEVER COMPLAINED”. Perhaps the inscription should be more truthful after all it will be carved in stone. Maybe, “HE DID WHAT WAS ASKED OF HIM” that will be enough of a stretch. Maybe I should just stick to the basics, name and date.

You know…a forwarding address would be nice, maybe a zip code with all sevens or just a thumbs up. But then there are those cases the thumb would point the other way. I guess that idea is not going to work. That gets into some really deep theology and it scares me to go there.

Well not to worry! Who’s left behind will have to deal with my tombstone dilemma. I just hope they remember Bambi’s friend Thumper’s advice, “If you can’t say something nice don’t say nothin' at all”.

Dear Jesus help me live the remainder of my life for You and whatever is written on that stone let it be a credit to You.

Amen



11/2/2008